Shit You Should Know

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Ramblings Redux

Like I said in the last post, things have been absolutely nuts around here and Daylight Savings Time was no help either.  I must give you fair warning though.  This post is like a few posts wrapped into one.  try to keep up.

My laptop died. I got the evil blue error screen of death. Yes, it was archaic. Yes, it was running slower than an obese man on a treadmill. But I loved my little laptop. Even with the missing keys courtesy of my nephew and his little toddler fingers. Even with the finicky optical drive that just to run a disc I would find myself holding up my laptop and tilting it in all sorts of directions just to get it to read.
With the hubby gone, I was relying on it for communication purposes. I'm not ashamed to say I came close to a melt down thinking about not being able to talk to him. Ok, not being able to blog, upload pictures to Facebook, or play the freaking Sims upset me a little too. Shut up! I need an intervention.

Any who ha....

I took the laptop to a local computer repair where I left it for a few days. When I finally heard back I was told the hard drive was shot as was the optical drive which, of course, came as no surprise. For repairs it would cost about $200. Instead, I dropped off my external hard drive and asked them to do their best to transfer my files from the laptop to the external drive which would run my about $50.

Then I skipped to Office Depot and purchase a new laptop. Hooray! My husband suggested I give the old laptop a proper funeral a la Office Space style.
Since then I have downloaded Skype. Let me just say, Skype is the bee's knees! Previously we had been using Yahoo Messenger to communicate which resulted in lots of frozen faces in unflattering moments. Skype has minimal freezing which is great when the husband talks to the kids since they are usually hopped on sugary goodness...especially lately thanks to Halloween and the generosity (aka Satanic worship) of all the neighbors and such who will be burning in hell with us for particpating in the devil's holiday. You guys rock!
So this is my plug for Skype...I deserve commision. Dowload Skype and you will live a long and properous life full of decent video footage and smiles. La la la!

Next topic on the agenda...scouting updates...I can tell you're excited. You should be.

My babygirl had her Investiture Ceremony which was very informal aka unorganized. I guess I am accustomed to how the Girl Scout troop I was in as a child was run. My leader, Susan Reynolds, was a beast! That woman organized everything to the tee or so it seemed when I was a kid. Ceremonies and awards were handled with precision and formalities. It made us feel special...or at least that was how it made me feel. I suppose that's the Leo in me. I like to be made a big deal of.

Anyway, anyway...
This ceremony was so casual it almost made me feel like babygirl's troop leader didn't give a fuck. By the book, the ceremony consists of the girls reciting their promise and law. This is a ceremony for welcoming new Girl Scouts into the age appropriate group. At this time, each girl recieves the Girl Scout pin. Now I must tell you this ceremony has already been pushed back three was supposed to take place near the beginning of October. However, the girls never received their pins. Why? Because the leader ordered them too late. Back to Susan Reynolds...she would have ordered those bitches MONTHS ago. Sigh...I guess I'm spoiled. let's go on over to left brain seems to frequent there often.
Recently, Dr. Atkins and I have gotten reaquainted. I am what you would call a carb addict and I'm not found of excercise. When people start talking about how much fun they had on their morning run or their last visit to the gym, I seriously want to punch them in their ovaries. And, no, men are not safe. Use your imagination if you want to know where I would like to exert pain on them.
For the life of me, I cannot begin to understand those weirdos that say crap like, "Man, the elliptical kicked my ass today. I am hurting all over. I feel grrrrr-eat." Yes, those idiots make me think of Tony the Tiger trying to peddle me Frosted Flakes. I call them "idiots" but really they'll probably live longer then me since I believe bacon is a food group all on it's own. It's so crunchy and if you wrapped a sweaty jock strap in it, I'd try it at least once. It's like strips of heaven.

Speaking of heaven, I feel sorry for people of the Jewish and Islamic faith. Not eating bacon would make me sad.  Maybe just maybe...the "tree of knowledge" from the Bible really grew crispy, delicious bacon. Maybe God got pissed because, after all, now Adam and Eve KNEW bacon fucking rocked. Now those two mooches were going to eat it all and God was not going to share. I would have kicked them out too. Nobody better touch my bacon!!

In lieu of my latest dieting pursuit, I have also stopped gnawing on my fingernails. It's been a little over a month. Hooray for me!!


Did you hear that?

The other night, I was tearing the house apart because something was beeping. I would walk in one direction and hear it and SWEAR it was coming from the other direction. I walked into the kitchen and thought it was coming from the living room. I was putting my ear up to each and every electronic. I dumped out my purse. I looked like a freaking looney. I was even standing on chairs trying to see if the smoke alarms, the doorbell box, and even the freaking light fixtures were the culprits. At one point I was even listening into the air vent thinking maybe just maybe it was coming from in there.
I'm glad I wasn't drunk or high or something. I'd probably think there was bomb hidden in my wall. I finally ended up located the source of the noise. It was coming from a drawer in the kitchen. It was a smoke detector that we had taken down when we first moved in and replaced with our high tech one. We didn't throw it away since we rent and plan on putting it back up when we move. I was completely frazzled afterwards. I had to take some melatonin just to settle down so I could go to sleep.
Finally, I must brag a little. One of the blogs I follow has a caption contest and I was last week's winner. Knowing my luck, I was probably the only person that entered. Anyway, here it is:
And if you want to join the fun, follow Leigh vs. Laundry. She's pretty damn funny.

Lastly, I told you in the last post about shit mountain I'd be back tomorrow to give you the rest of the insanity. Well, I kept my word. I even put a bow on it to make you feel special. I bet you didn't even notice.  Now I'm off to eat a cucumber and pretend it's fresh baked chocolate chips cookies.


  1. I didn't know how to contact you except through your is so funny about dogs but picture. i was trying so hard to get that video on there i never realized I put up the wrong Jesus picture....lmao thanks for telling me...I was just happy i got the video to attach. I almost peed my pants when i got your message. God really does have a God sense of humor!!!Wish you joined on fb would have been able to send you a message...thanks for the laugh!

  2. Oh god... I know that horrible feeling when you get the blue screen of death. We bought a used flash drive, and little did we know, it had a virus on it. Within minutes our hard drive was shot! :( We ended up buying a new (used, but new for us) computer. We will fix the other one some day.

    And about the Tony the Tiger exercise people, I am like that... Haha. I guess there is a "good pain" after you exercise, and it actually does make you feel good (strange, huh?). I remember saying something very similar one day like 'That workout kicked my butt, ready to do it again tomorrow!' Haha... I was in soooo much pain!

    -Nykk :)

  3. Do you know why Jews and Muslims don't eat bacon? This will explain.

    While I agree to some extent with your diatribe against fitness fanatics, you're allowing your hostility to mask a very important point: exercise should be a part of everyone's regular routine. But if it's hurting, you're doing something wrong.

  4. Marathon post, But a really enjoyable read! =]

    And i sincerely sympathise with the Blue screen issues, my laptop has a tendency to blue-screen if i turn it off =/

  5. Skype rocks! And I am sorry to say that I'm one of those idiot fitness freaks...but hey, I promise I won't come here and tell you about my, please don't hurt me! ;)

  6. OK this is alot to swallow... Skype sounds great, maybe i will give it a try when i stop having computer issues... i have a 2 year old who seems determined to keep me offline!
    Don't worry, i hate exercise also, and the worst part is i am a food blogger, with lots of foodie, carby recipes...
    Love your blog!

  7. Yeah, it's been one of those weeks. I had to invest in a new computer myself. My old one had been making some sort of death rattle for a few weeks, and I finally had to give up on it.

  8. Dr. Atkins can kiss my big, fat, carb-fueled butt. And you can, too, for posting that picture of me without my permission. I thought I was alone! If I'd have known, I'd have put on a muumuu.


  9. @ Tricia...Don't even PLAY you didn't know I took that picture!! I baked that damn cake for you from scratch...I even let you lick the spoon!


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