Don't Be A Drag...

Driving down the street the other day, I actually broke away from my IPod and clicked on the radio. That’s unusual for a few reasons. 1.) Music today, to me, (this is me being old) has lost a lot of its originality. Instead of being unique, they try to mimic and then one up their musical influences. Boring! I know this is nothing new but it just seems much more prevalent. 2.) The typical radio stations around here play the “hits” aka crap or country or Christian…also, crap. 3.) The few classic rock stations that I am able to get around here (and I use the term “classic” loosely since it plays songs from the 80s and 90s) are so static-y that half the time I don’t even bother.

My kids, on the other hand, are typically like any other generation. They think the “new” music is so amazing and original. I have to bite my tongue sometimes because they tend to get really offended when I insult their musical preferences. I have to remind myself that my parents probably hated my choices too.

My son has a pretty decent grasp of music…in my opinion…as in he likes many of the things that my husband and I enjoy. Although, he does like Katy Perry. Of course, he reminds me every time he sees the Addidas or Proactiv commercials that it’s just because she’s hot.

My daughter on the other hand has definite elementary school girl taste. She likes to listen to Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Justin Beiber, and Ke$ha (yes, the chick with a dollar sign in her name…how the fuck do you even pronounce that???). I don’t think this group is talentless. I just think that their songs lack substance. Counting Crows they are not.  Again, elementary school girl taste...I mean, I liked New Kids on the Block when I was her age.
There is a fourth reason I end up listening to the radio. 4.) I forgot my IPod at home. Oops!  This is exactly how I gotstuck listening to the radio this time.

So, yeah, the car ride…

We end up listening to this…


Oh, Gaga! Even though, you try to capture us with your shock and awe, I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen and heard this all before…most recently Madonna. To be more specific, isn’t “Born This Way” just an updated cross version of “Express Yourself” and "Vogue" anyway? Seriously, have you listened to this, Gaga?




I suppose it could be worse. It could be this.



I’ll just take this Friday. Thank you very much.



I’ll leave you with eight words of wisdom…

“Don’t be a drag, just be a queen.”

Well said, Gaga. Well said.

This Is Heavy, Doc!

Lately I suppose with all this talk of Time Travel Month over at Nuclear Headache (not to be confused with the cheesier version) so fresh in my brain, I’ve been thinking about all the things I would say to the teenage version of myself. Of course, all this weighing on it not causing the universe to implode or me disappearing from photographs a la Marty McFly style.


First and foremost, I would tell my past self that the one guy I decided to lose my virginity to was (and will always be) a complete tool and waste of oxygen. AVOID by all means! I’m sure many of you wish you hadn’t wasted your first time on such an ass. I’m not saying I should have waited until marriage necessarily (please don’t tell my future teenage daughter) but I definitely would have skipped over his dumb ass. As a rule of thumb, if his name forms an alliteration it’s probably because his mommy knew he was a joke even from the womb.

Another tidbit of information I would share with myself is that even though your family is obviously a bag of mixed nuts, things won’t always be so difficult and confusing. Mostly mom won’t always seem so psychotic. She just has no clue what she’s doing and she’s learning day by day. It’s a bitch (especially when you are the oldest) but it paves the way for her to learn from her mistakes. Whether she admits it to you or not, she doesn’t mean half the shit that comes out of her mouth. Try not to take her need to control everything at whatever cost personally. It will only cost you years of therapy…time you could be spending doing things you actually enjoy.

Also, your mom is going to tell you that those girls that were mean to you were just jealous of you. Oh my god! They SO were. Your C-cup (ok, and the fact that you were so much cooler than they were) made you comparable to the hooker in the movie “Love Potion #9” after she drank the concentrated potion. This is what I mean…


So don’t be sad. Just poke your chest out a little further and apologize to them for not being flat chested like them…as you steal their boyfriends. Just kidding….or am I?

After you get married, there will be this Puerto Rican woman that lives near you. She is going to tell you she is a witch and she knows you and your husband are having issues mostly because he is still extremely immature. She’s going to tell you to never give up on him even when things get really dark. You are going to think she is crazy (and you may be a little right) but being a little eccentric is what makes her so clairvoyant. She is also going to tell you there will be times you will have to be a bystander and not get involved in his growing up process to protect your soul and that of your child (who by the way you weren't even pregnant with just yet). Her words will always stay with you and the future you (aka me) is glad she didn’t throw the towel in as soon as things got messy.

Somewhat on the same topic, I would remind myself that other people’s setbacks do not mold you unless you let them. When you go through those dark times, keep your head up and push forward. No one is going to drag you out the hole where you risk ending up. Only you can prevent forest fires. No, wait. What I mean is, only your own strength can prevent depression and it IS inside of you even when you feel weak.

Another thing on a smaller note I would share is that when my family is evacuating from Hurricane Katrina (which by the way IS the infamous Big One the city of New Orleans has been fearing and the media has been wringing their hands impatiently waiting for), remind Mom to bring the photo albums and family videos or at the very least put them up high in a closet. So many memories will be lost if she doesn’t. Also, tell her to knock down the wall between the dining room and the living room just because it will save us all the headache of having to hear about it years later that she should have did it when they were remodeling after the storm.

One of the last things I would tell myself is simply; don’t forget how to be a kid. Your children will thank you for it.


Again, these things are all quips of knowledge I’d share with myself if there wasn’t a chance of causing horrible repercussions. I’m sure in the event that time travel is made available to the likes of everyday folks such as me; we can only hope scientists will know for sure the do’s and don’ts of traveling through time.

If travel was limited to observation, I would skip my past and observe more important times in history not involving myself like the building of the pyramids. I’d much prefer for the sake of observation, I could also remain unseen a la Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Then, I would DEFEINTELY go observe me some dinosaurs. I would also like to observe all of the questionable “god” appearances that different religions stake their claim to faith on.

And The Award Goes To...

Now is the time for more awards. I have a few to dish out today. I know you guys look forward to this. The first award is the Life is Good award that Kamilla over at Basket of Dreams has given me to me. Of course, I have to share it with some other folks but that’s ok. I’m not selfish.

In receiving this award I have to:

1.) Thank and put a link back to the person who so kindly gave this award.
2.) Share a few things about yourself.
3.) Pass the award onto some other bloggers you deem deserving.
4.) Inform these said bloggers that they have received the award.

I hate rules and out of respect for Kamilla I will follow them but to the recipients of this award I relinquish you from all of the above rules. If you want to pass it on, great! If you want to forget I ever gave it to you, that is fine too. Well, let’s get to it. Shall we?

1.) I love to throw maraschino cherries into my mixed drinks so that when I’ve had enough to drink I can munch liquor soaked cherries.

2.) I loathe laundry and it seems like a never ending process.

3.) I am very close to paying the truck off so suck it, Chrysler Financial!

4.) My favorite thing to do is read.

5.) Floral scented candles and lotions make my nose itch something fierce.

6.) I’m a total pussy at the dentist. I still require nitrous to keep myself from having a panic attack as sharp objects come towards my face.

7.) I love cheesy zombie movies…the cheesier the better.

8.) I am so over all this snow.

9.) I’ve been a nail biter for as long as I can remember.

10.) I enjoy cooking very much and I’m usually good at it except when almond milk is involved.

Now I bestow the Life is Good award on the following four people…

Tanya at A Taste of T


She's rocking her baby belly and is extremely clever. I think I’ll keep reading.

Canela at From My Home And Heart


I’ve known her since high school and she’s always been quick witted and fun to be around.



Debbie at No Filter Mom



She’s proof that 40 is the new 30 and she’s really good about keeping me up to date on various blog hops.

Nic at Life Reassembled


She’s coming down with the flu and could use some cheering up (and Nyquil).

 Now on to the awards I know you knuckleheads have been looking forward to all week. I’ve got three this time.

The first one goes to Mother Teresa (or MT as I tend to refer to her) at The Rain In Spain... Each Friday she photographs something in her home EXTREMELY close up and asks her readers to guess what it is. Each week I rack my brain to try to figure out what the hell it is. So to MT, I’d like to give the Photo Capture Award.

Next, I’d like to give an award to the one and only Atypical Scott at Atypical Read (not to be confused with Bryan because that would be silly). He keeps me thinking and has a tendency to make me feel slightly stupid. So let me put on my dunce cap so I can give Scotty boy his award.

Last but certainly not least is my new buddy, Jewell at Really?! Wait! What? She’s a fun one and finds some of the craziest headlines.

So there you have it, this week’s awards. Be sure to check out these folks because I like them and you may as well. Stayed tuned tomorrow for another Fantastic Friday Five.

Fantastic Friday Five #2

Another Friday arrives and with it brings the second installment of Fantastic Friday Five. Like I said last week, this is basically my lazy post of random filler that doesn’t seem to fit into a post on its own. Also, I feel like I owe it to myself to do something outright corny from time to time. So, without further ado, here is Fantastic Friday Five for your reading pleasure.


1.) My children have been home since Tuesday thanks to a lovely winter storm. Being a southern girl at heart, Oklahoma is the furthest north I’ve ever lived and it almost isn’t even Oklahoma. Seriously if I drive about forty minutes, I’ll cross the Texas border. When it snows in the south everything shuts down…EVERYTHING! Even though we barely have a half of foot of snow, I’m a New Orleans girl and have NO BUSINESS driving in the snow.
                                                       
                                       
Not to mention somewhere Al Gore is dancing a jig and screaming “Suck it, bitches!” Cross your fingers, my friends, that Mr. Gore stays out of the mad scientist laboratory in his basement and my children return to school on Monday.

2.) Oh, Netflix, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Since my husband has been gone, I have gotten myself into the habit of going to sleep while streaming movies and television shows on my laptop. I’ve watched all six seasons of The Kids in the Hall already. Currently, I am venturing through the third season of Reno 911.

3.) I made ruined some Salisbury steak this week. As I said previously, I have no business driving in the snow so when we ran out of milk I improvised (and not in that clever way the folks on Who’s Line Is It Anyway do). Normally, I would use evaporated milk in place of regular milk but guess what; we were out of that too. So, instead, I decided to use almond milk. Well, word from the wise (err, experienced) apparently when you heat up almond milk it gets a bitter citrus taste that will devastate your gravy unless you were going for the whole rotten lemon lime beefy taste. It was no surprise when the kids turned their noses up at it but when the canine garbage disposal turned his nose up at beef smothered in gravy you KNOW that shit was rank.

4.) Two words…Blog Hop. I’ve been linking up to a few of these in hopes to find blogs to read and I’m amazed by the amount of blogs out there that are dedicated to free samples and reviewing stuff. I’m convinced that most people only link up for followers as I’ve gotten many comments basically saying things to the effect of “Hey, I’m following you. Please follow me.”  *rolls eyes*

5.) Lastly, Tiffany over at Shhhhh! Just Between U & Me thinks I’m sexy and she gave me an award to prove it. Of course, I have to share my crown with four other ladies. When you get a moment, take a swing over and tell Tiff “Hi”. She’s pretty hot herself.

Well, friends, that about wraps it up for this installment of Fantastic Friday Five. More posts by yours truly coming soon.

Friendships Wanted, Not Needed

Six months I've been here and I'm convinced no matter where you move people are either crazy or boring or both.  Making friends has never come easy to me...maybe I'm a snob.  If I think someone is a bore and/or a lunatic, I will go out of my way to keep my distance.  For some reason though, these people are drawn to me like bums to bus terminals.
It doesn't matter where I am, the check out line at the grocery store, the gas pump, or an airport bathroom, these individuals will talk to me and divulge the craziest things to me.  At first, this entertained me.  I felt complimented in a sense that I must put these people at ease in a way that they feel comfortable telling me about their issues.
Let me interject here.  When I say "crazy", I do not mean someone diagnosed with mental disorders.  At least when these people do something out of the ordinary, you can empathize.  No, I'm talking about these folks that seem to eat, sleep, and breathe drama.  I'm referring to those people that seem to go out of their way to invent problems just so they have something to entertain themselves.  To these people I say, find another hobby!!
Anyway...
For a long time (probably the first twenty or so years of my life), I didn't have any rules or regulations for a person to be my friend other than you couldn't be a total asshole.  I would talk and befriend anyone and it would remain that way until they did something to piss me off.  As time went on and my family and I relocated to Fort Hood, these lackadaisical stipulations proved to be more time consuming than previously anticipated. 
With deployments and loneliness running rampant throughout the base, spouses clung to different forms of companionship.  I chose the safe, platonic route.  At first, it was nice to have the company of other women.  I felt a bond with them due to our similar circumstances.  Little did I know the drama that would surround many of these females like the dust cloud that hovers around Pigpen from Peanuts comics.  Like I said, at first this entertained me.  It was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer or Maury Povich pan out right before your very eyes.  I wanted to grab a bowl of popcorn and sit back and enjoy the show.  That was until these loonies began including me in the craziness.  It was at that time I had to step back, take a deep breath, and say "Fuck. This."
After the military, we headed back to our hometown in New Orleans area on the good ol' Westbank which by the way was only supposed to be temporary.  It, unfortunately, turned into nearly two years.  During that time I stuck to the handful of people I knew who where a.) not boring, b.) not crazy, and c.) trustworthy.  Seriously when I say handful, I literally mean like five people, nearly half of which were family members.
On more than one occasion people would tell me how they didn't understand how I could cut myself off from others so easily.  I don't really see the problem.  Why should I befriend people who I don't really enjoy being around?  What?  Just so I can say I have oodles of friends??
Now we are in Oklahoma and I must admit I am a little lonely.  However, I'm not lonely enough to resort to being bored to death just for the sake of company.  I also will not participate in their drama just to be entertained...they have reality shows for that.   Also, I can't stand liars.  Furthermore while I believe fully in freedom of religion, I cannot be around someone who feels the need to "save" me.  I must be able to be myself 100% and the truth is I curse like a drill sergeant and I am completely random ESPECIALLY after a few drinks which I look forward to consuming at least one a week if not (and hopefully) more.
As you can see, I do think it's wise to have a hobby.  Everyone needs something to occupy their time.  So as for me, I'm going to blog my own thoughts and try to avoid falling into the same old habits.  Truth is, loneliness is a bitch and as much as I'd love to move into a cave somewhere, we both know it isn't going to happen.  So in the meantime, I'll keep my fingers crossed that one of these days in my trek around Texhoma, I'll actually come in contact with someone that can hold an intelligent conversation with me that doesn't involve gossip and rumors.  I won't hold my breath though.