Fantastic Friday Five #6

It’s Friday again and that means it’s time for another Fantastic Friday Five. The post that contains random whatnots that don’t merit their own individual posts. I’ll just get right to it.

1.) I went the dentist and she bestowed the gift of painkillers on me. Technically, it wasn’t a gift. I TOTALLY earned that shit. I just hope my words make sense to other people besides just me.

2.) My husband will be here on Sunday!!! I am beyond anxious. He is actually leaving there tomorrow and flying into Dubai. He has to stay a night there and then he heads here. It is still a complete surprise for the kids and I am still planning on doing the scavenger hunt with them.

3.) I have a shoe addiction. I may need an intervention. These are my recent purchases. At least, I have stellar taste, right?

   

   

4.) I am completely frustrated that I am unable to find any updated news on Lancey Ray, the man that beat my son’s friend Malik to death back in December. His preliminary hearing was supposed to be Wednesday. I figured the media would have had something to say but there has been nothing. My son asked about it yesterday. More on this particular topic soon.

5.) The kids and I made a book run at Goodwill. The boy ended up finding the first three books to the series, 39 Clues, and the girl child managed to find a few Babysitter’s Club Little Sister books. As for me, I let me fingers do the walking and was lucky enough to find a copy of The Exorcist. I can’t wait to be engulfed in that book.

Well, that about sums it up. I’ve tried to keep it short this week. My brain is all over the place with the return of my honey approaching quickly.

One quick Girl Scout update: My daughter has sold 512 boxes so far. She is closing in on her goal of 600. Sales go on until the 24th so I am confident she will reach it especially since she has two Wal-Mart cookie booths scheduled. Whooty-whoot!

‘Til next time…

My Brain Is Slightly Undead

I’m not ashamed to admit that I have a vivid imagination. I always did and I’m sure I always will. As a child, I was the go-to person for all my friends if they wanted help bringing some outlandish make-believe game to life. Now days, rainy days are no match for my children when I’m around especially if there is a box large enough to climb inside. How I never got involved in role-playing games like Dungeons and Dragons I’ll never know. Oh, wait, yes I do. It was “demonic” according to the church my mother forced me to attend with her and god forbid; I went against the grain of the other sheeple and did something creative.

Lately, I’ve been making posts here and there about the weirdness in my brain such as my invisible stalkers and my feathered spirit guide. Today, I invite you to take another trip inside my mind’s eye into what happens when someone is obsessed with zombies. Yes, zombies. When you spend many days on end reading books, watching movies (and television shows thanks to The Walking Dead series), and visiting websites about zombies, it comes as no surprise when my gray matter concocts visions about the undead.

A few nights ago I dreamed that my kids and I were in New Orleans at my husband’s grandparent’s home. As we sat hanging out in the living room, the grandparents came out of their bedroom. Even in the dream itself, I was caught off guard by seeing Maw-Maw. My subconscious mind had registered that she was dead. In reality, she has been since April of 2010. What made this odd (even for a dream) is she looked vibrant and youthful like I had seen her in photographs from the 70s and early 80s. The kids, of course, ran to give her a hug. They were excited to see her and probably couldn’t wait for the spoiling to begin all over again. I don’t blame them.

On the other hand even my dream-self had to know how she happened to be there. I asked what the hell was going on. She sort of looked at me like she was surprised I wasn’t already aware. Then she proceeded to tell me that a few days ago Paw-Paw picked her up from the cemetery and began feeding her. Paw-Paw stepped forward. He looked worn and tired. Then, he showed me his arm.

Most of his forearm was a grayish color, giving him a Gollum-esque flesh tone. To keep her alive, he had been allowing her to feed off of him. The feedings were not a form of vampirism as she didn’t puncture his skin to drain his blood. In a sense she was a type of zombie but instead of ingesting the flesh, she was absorbing his life force or aura. In the dream, this was accepted as a form of science, mad science, but science nonetheless.

Upon waking from this mental vision, I believe somehow Keanu Reeves possessed me for second or two because all I could do was sound a drawn out “Whoaaaaaaaa.” Then I questioned if I took the red pill or the blue pill before bed. I’m going to guess it was the blue one.

I'm About To Lose My Mind...Up In Here!

This school year is going to freaking kill me!


I spoke to my son’s teacher, Mrs. T, today.  I am very glad I had the weekend to simmer down. I was able to speak very calmly to her about the whole ADD issue from Friday.

After speaking to her, I feel she is genuinely concerned about my son. She said she doesn’t want to treat him like he’s lazy if he really does have something wrong with him.

Her side of the story (wait to you see how unlike the boy’s it is)…

She said around dismissal on Friday she noticed that he did not complete grading his paper that they went over in class. She pulled him to the side to ask why. She said he looked confused and she felt that he really had zoned out during the review time. She also said he does this a lot. He’ll go off to la-la land and stare off into the distance. She said she has also seen him doodling numerous times.

My take on this is simply he is bored. When I’m doing something I don’t want to do or something that is boring my mind drifts too. It’s all I can do not to impale myself on the nearest sharp object. I also think that another factor is he has a tendency to be lazy as all hell when he doesn’t want to do something.

I don’t see how a kid that can play video games for hours or take a 12 hour car ride or sit through a movie or even sit quietly and read a book can have ADD. I just can’t! Of course, I’m no expert either.

Mrs. T also told me that when she spoke to the boy she asked him if he was or ever was on medication. He told her yes but I don’t know if he really understood her. He’s never been on any type of medication that treated mental or behavioral issues. All he’s ever taken (other than over the counter stuff) is allergy meds. When I told her this she kind of hesitated. I think she had thought she had hit the nail on the head with her theory.

After I got off the phone with her, I decided there was only one way to solve this. I called the pediatrician to find out if patients are automatically tested for things like ADD or if it something that has to be requested. I figured if it’s automatic they could check the charts for me. Wouldn’t you know it? Nothing is that simple.

I was told that I needed to contact the school counselor to request a Vanderbilt Assessment. Apparently, this assessment has a part I fill out, a part the teacher fills out, and then we see the pediatrician so he can evaluate. I figure, we do this and one of us has to be right. If I’m right, he’s bored and sometimes lazy. If Mrs. T is right, he has a problem that is beyond his control without the proper treatment. Either way, something needs to change for him because the route he’s going is going to lead him straight back to the fifth grade.

For the record, I do NOT believe in pumping my children up with medication for the hell of it. I will try whatever other forms of therapy are available and use the zombie meds as the absolute LAST resort. I think if he can learn how to cope with it and we can understand it better we will know how to help him along, so he can help himself.

Can someone say stress????

Another fun moment today was after school. My daughter came through the door all by herself. I asked where her brother was. She informed me that she waited for him for “like a half an hour”. I made it clear that it was impossible since school only dismissed ten minutes ago. She has no concept of time (or money but that is a whole other story).

At this point, I knew my son would be panicking when he couldn’t find her. So, I grabbed my shoes and headed over to the school. I needed to find him so he knew she was safe. I tell you, they fight like cats and dogs but they look out for one another.

As I got about halfway to school I saw my son coming down the street with my daughter’s teacher, Mrs. Pony (that’s not really her name but it fits her). My son was smart enough to let Mrs. Pony know when he couldn’t find her.

My daughter said she figured since her brother was sick yesterday, she assumed he had gotten checked out when she didn’t see him right away at dismissal. I told her if ever I check either of them out, I will always have the office notify the other one. Also, I told her she is NEVER to walk home alone. I told her I would come up to school to get her. She’s seven and she’s cute and I can’t help but fear the perverts of this world. Better safe than sorry. Too bad I can’t find a fairy godmother to do the whole Sleeping Beauty spell on her. Damn fairytales!

Whew! I’m glad today is over. I need to catch up on some cleaning tomorrow. I’ve been listing so much crap on eBay I’ve neglected a few chores. I’ve got to get back on track.

Off To a Rocky Start

Normally, I try to be on the teacher’s “side” when it comes to my children only because I believe that for the best interest of any child, teachers and parents need to be a united front. Sometimes teacher do things so foolish that makes me wonder how I even begin to support it.


My son came home on Friday and informed me that I would be getting a call from his teacher. “God damn it!” I responded, “What did you do now, boy?” Of course, he said nothing. The word “dumb ass” must be written across my forehead in some sort of ink that only children under 12 can see. “Ok.” I say, “I suppose Mrs. T is just calling to chit chat, right? She wants to know how my day went. Is that it?” Then the tale begins…

My son says during class the teacher told him she was going to call me to tell me to bring him to the doctor because he needs to be put on medication to calm down. In my head, I heard screeching tires! What the fuck?!?! Not only did she say these words to my son BUT she had the audacity to say them in front of a class full of other students. I have never in all my life had anyone say that about my kid…either of them. In ten years, my son has seen six different pediatricians, not to mention ones he saw when his regular doctor was not in. None of them have ever even hinted that my child needed medication to “calm him down”. Not to mention when he was younger, we went a few times to see a therapist during one of my husband’s deployments. I’m sure the therapist would have picked up on a problem.

Don’t get me wrong. My child is perfectly capable of being annoying and obnoxious but you tell me what kid isn’t. He’s a ten year old boy for crying out loud. If his teacher wants a zombie, she’s going to have to come up with a plausible argument for me to even consider making him a doctor’s appointment.

On the other side of the spectrum, part of me wonders if Mrs. T even said what he claims. She never called me which could mean he’s full of shit. Of course, if my teacher had already called my mom on two separate occasions the last thing I would want to do is make up a lie that she was going to call once again.

The boy does lie and he is so bad at it. For instance, yesterday he took a ride with Buddy to the store. While in the car Buddy told him to call me ask if I needed anything from Wal-Mart. I told him no. However, when he hung up with me he told Buddy I wanted watermelon. I don’t even like watermelon. Buddy ended up calling me because my son couldn’t wipe the goofy ass look off of his face. See? The boy lies and he sucks at it.

In a way I’m glad that he told me about what his teacher said on a Friday evening. At least I had the weekend to cool off. I was ready to smack a bitch on Friday. Now I am more capable of calling school tomorrow morning to talk to Mrs. T in a cool and collected manner. I have to call her. I have to know if this happened or not. Either way someone is going to get chewed out no matter if it’s the teacher or my son.

I look at this way. If Mrs. T said that for whatever reason she should not be teaching. You just don’t say things like that to kids. There is protocol to follow when it comes to carrying out discipline and she should be following that. Basically telling my child that there is something wrong with him in front of his peers is NOT the correct way to handle it under any circumstances. I will report her to the principal and the school board if I find out that she did say those things to him.

If on the other hand my son is lying about this, he will be loosing his Xbox and computer privileges for an undetermined amount of time and he will be grounded for an entire week maybe two.

Today he’s sick. He’s been running fever on and off all day and he threw up this morning. I knew he was sick as soon as I laid eyes on him. How convenient for him if he’s sick tomorrow. Regardless, I’m calling school.

In lighter news…

You ever notice that kids can be easily occupied with boxes. It makes me wonder how the toy industry makes so much damn money. My daughter and her friend played for hours with two empty 12-pack beer boxes on their heads yesterday. Too bad I didn’t have wrapping paper tubes to with it! They could have jousted. My daughter stashed the boxes in her closet and today when her friend came back they played with them again.

Kids…you can’t live with and you can’t send them to outer space.  Oh, and you can't skip parent teacher conferences either.

Somebody Call An Ambulance!

My daughter damn near gave me a heart attack!

Her friend came knocking on the door looking for her.  I went into her room to tell her someone was here for her.  She wasn't there even though the Jonas Brothers were blaring from her television.  I told her friend to go ahead in the backyard because by the art of deduction I assume she was back there.

Shortly later, her friend came back and told me she wasn't there either.  It's very unlike my daughter to wonder off so my heart is racing.  I go across the street to see if she is playing at one girls house and the friend checks another house.  Both of us met back empty handed.  I decide to go back into our yard to see if maybe she was hiding from her friend.  She wasn't.

At this point I am thinking, I'm going to call my son to see if she went off with him and his friend.  In the back of my mind I am debating at what point does someone call the police which, of course, gives me butterflies.  You know that feeling you used to get when you were a little kid and you thought you were lost in the grocery store?  Yeah, well, it felt like that only like ten times worse.  I sure it's because it wasn't the thought of "Oh no, my parents abandoned me.".  It was more like, "Oh shit!  This is like the begining of an episode of Law & Order: SVU."  Let me tell you...NOT a good feeling.

So as I am searching for my cell phone, my daughter's friend happens to look in my bedroom and there's my daughter.  That little shit was sitting on my bed in the dark on the computer freaking playing Petville in Facebook!!  I wanted to strangle her and hug her all at the same time.

You know I've heard people say that there is nothing like getting the heart racing to remind you that you're alive.  Uhhhhh...yeaaaaah...I'm going to stick to roller coaster and horror movies.  I think I have had enough excitement for today.  I'm going to have a stiff drink now to recuperate.

Random Ramblings

I suppose I should advise you now that this will not be a typical blog about one topic. No. This post is going to end up a random mess of ideas, thoughts, and perceptions. There are a lot of erratic things going on in my brain at 1000 mph all at once. It’s like I have ADHD or something.

Anyway…

With summer coming to an end and the crazy 107 degree weather a thing of the distant past, my sinuses are going haywire. The kids have been all sniffly too. I got both of them their flu shot. My son yanked his arm away from the guy administering it. Then complained for the next few hours about how bad his arm hurt. I told the goober that he made it worse by being a wimp. Not to mention after all these years a doctor has finally realized my children do in fact have allergies and require prescriptions. Hooray! More ways to spend money! Yippee! Honestly, I’d rather buy shoes.


With no husband since mine is away at training awaiting his overseas "adventure", I am pretty lonely. I don’t mean in sexual sort of way (yet, anyway). Since we haven’t lived here long, I have yet to really click with anyone. I guess I’m anti-social but people tend to be jerks and/or pains in the ass. I prefer to keep my distance. Besides, everyone I’ve come across so far is very involved in their church. Although these people seem nice (and I’m sure most of them really are), I feel obligated to stifle who I am around them and I just find that to be challenging and down right unfair.

The truth is I curse, I drink, I smoke, and usually in that order. Furthermore, my faith (or lack thereof) falls somewhere in the middle of agnostic and atheist. That alone is enough to make me a social outcast here on the Bible belt. Of course, I’ve never been the sort of person to run out and join a club just to fit in and I’m not about to start now. When I think about it I’ve always been a sort of pariah in my own way and I’m okay with that. I much prefer to go my own way and not be just another sheep in the flock.

And now for something completely different…

Right now we are behind on a few bills. To prepare for my husband leaving the country, we had to dip into some of funding to pay for things like expedited passports, etc. One of the things that we are behind in right now is our truck note. I called to tell them we would be late but they still call EVERY day. It’s pretty annoying. It’s almost like they think if they call a ridiculous amount of time, the money I owe will miraculously materialize in my bank account. If that were the case, I’d be late all the time in hopes that money would overflow from my checkbook.  I'm greedy like that.  I like dollar, dollar bills, ya'll!

Since I’ve managed to get to the topic of money, I’ve been having a problem with email scams. This week alone I was contacted by two people (maybe it was actually the same person, I don’t know) about wanting to purchase Avon products from me. One person wanted to mail me a money order or cashiers check all the way from the United Kingdom to purchase almost $500 worth of products. The other person wanted me to run their credit card for over $2000 worth of stuff but mama didn't raise no fool. Don’t get me wrong. I would LOVE to get a huge ass order but I’m not a moron either. I’m not about to let some scammer take me for a ride. It makes me wonder how many foolish people have been scammed by these people.

Oh, by the way…shameless plug here…if you want to order Avon you can check out my online store at http://www.youravon.com/acoleman5971. All orders $30 or more receive FREE direct shipping to anywhere in the U.S. Sorry. I couldn’t resist.

And way out in left field…WHY am I just getting around to watching Arrested Development?? Seriously! I recently watched the entire series on Netflix, a total of three seasons. That is one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. It’s right up there with My Name Is Earl and The Simpsons. I hate when gems such as these get past me. Apparently, it got past a lot of people since it was cancelled after the third season. The narrator in one episode even made the comment, “Tell your friends about this show.” If you haven’t watched it, you really should. And, of course, you can trust me. I mean, I have a blog on the Internet. Would someone who was lying to you be out here in the World Wide Web?

MUAHAHAHA! Sorry. I can’t help myself. There’s another reason I don’t have many friends. I lack self-control. At least, I had the decency to warn you from the beginning of this roller coaster ride of randomness so I can’t be all bad, right? Wait! Don’t answer that.