Shit You Should Know

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Universe Hates Me

My body hates me…or maybe it’s the universe. Possibly it’s both. Whenever I plan things, which I rarely do because nothing ever goes my way, my body does whatever it can to screw things up for me.  If there is a god, he's a demented prankster and when I find him I'm going to roundhouse kick him in the throat.

Two years ago when my husband was still in the military, he did a tour in Iraq. When he received his two weeks of R&R, I spent the first week of the two sick as a dog with strep throat. I ran a high fever and I was completely delirious. At one point, I swore the kids and I went to the desert to see my husband instead of the other way around.
See? My body hates me! I hadn’t been sick in years and BAM! I’m sure that is not what my husband had in mind for his leave time.

Recently, I went to visit my husband in Huntsville. If you missed the bus trip and the weekend trip, check it out. Out of the entire 365 days out of the year, my body chooses the weekend I made a trip to see my husband for one of the last times I'd get to see him for awhile to bestow its red tide on me and deter my bow chick wow wow time. Mother Nature is a sick, sick bitch!

Now the universe is playing another mean joke on me. The kids have Fall Break starting tomorrow and guess who is getting ill AGAIN! Do you think karma is getting me back for picking on the con artist?

Me + Sick + Kids = Homicide
I’m just saying!

My kids think I’m being quite horrible because I haven’t let them play outside today since they got home from school. Don’t get me wrong. I would LOVE to have a quiet house with NO children in it.  Since my house seems to be the neighborhood Kool-aid house, sending my children out into suburbia to find their playmates (and I’m not talking Hugh Hefner’s gal pals) means they will all just migrate back to our house and probably begin a game of hide and seek right in my bedroom because, after all, mom’s room has the best hiding places….or maybe kids are just nosey.
Maybe I should listen to Buddy and consume more Vitamin C. I guess limes in my beers aren’t exactly what he meant. In the mean time, I will continue to shake my fist in anger at the universe/Mother Nature/god/the powers that be that keep throwing these curve balls at me.


  1. I'm gonna knock at your door step like Ferris Buellers Nurse.. because your sick and someone needs to care for you.. kidding..

    hope you can feel better soon.

  2. I love that demotivational pic of the statue. What was the sculptor thinking?


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