Shit You Should Know

Friday, May 20, 2011

Crazy Lazy...Or Just Crazy

To say I’ve been lazy would be an unfair statement. Yes, I’ve been neglecting my blog but I’ve had good reason. Apparently, the school board over planned their extreme weather days for this school year so there are days left over. Instead of letting the kids out of school a few days early they have decided to give them shorter weeks and longer weekends until summer vacation starts. That means that my normal Friday morning posting is interrupted by having to, you know, do parenting stuff.

All and all, May has just been crazy so far and it isn’t over yet that’s for sure. School and scouting are both coming to a close for summer. My daughter has had her weekends jam packed with things to do for scouting. Her troop has been spending their cookie earnings on all sort of different activities for the girls. They were able to go to Nations of Fun which is this Chuck E. Cheese’s sort of place. While the kids played, I ran around snapping pictures as usual.

Later, one mother was telling me about the problem the place used to have with pedophiles. I was like, “Oh great! You tell me this now! I was chasing kids up in the climby-thing with my camera. No wonder I was getting dirty looks.” Of course, it may have to do with the fact that I’m white and the place is run by the Comanche Nation.
Who can really know?

Another place we went was to Build-A-Bear Workshop. I had never been there before and I wish I could have stayed away. Imagine if you will a small store in a mall filled with at least twenty little girls between the ages of 3 and 12…squealing, giggling, whining. My anxiety was on red alert! Visions of Xanax and beer danced in my head.

The concept of the store is clever. You personalize your own little stuffed animal for a retarded amount of money. I wish I’d have come up with that ingenious idea. Each girl received a $50 gift card to spend, compliments of the cookie money profit. My daughter picked out a gray cat. She wanted a black one which she was going to name Darth Vader but since they didn’t have black she got a gray one and named it Elizabeth after her Aunt Liz. I swear one extreme to the next.

The toy was $16 all by itself. That price included the stuffing, a heart to go inside, and a birth certificate. However, the store is filled to the rafters with clothing and accessories for your furry friends.

You could choose to have your “friend” say something. For instance if she wanted hers to purr, there were small sound pouches you would slide into the toy before it was stuffed and when it was squeezed it would make the desired sound. OF course, there was a hefty $10 charge on that. You could also get a beating heart instead of the one that came with the toy…another $5. I managed to talk her out of these by telling her that she wouldn’t have enough money to get the clothes and accessories she wanted. It didn’t take much prodding at all.
Next we moved on to the clothes and such. She ended with this sparkly cotton candy-ish dress, complete with shoes, a crown, and even a septor. After she dressed her toy and ripped off the price tags, she found a Darth Vader costume! She didn’t have enough for it. I must have asked her at least five times, “Are you sure you don’t want to look around the whole store first before you make up your mind?” She decided that since she had already decided to name it Elizabeth she had to dress it like her REAL Aunt Liz.
Then she informed me that we would just have to come back another time so she could create Darth Vader. Oh…of course. Lucky me!

The troop also paid for the girls to attend the science museum in Oklahoma City.

We had gone when my parents visited so I didn’t feel too bad when we left a little early. My son was staying over at a friend’s house and I didn’t want him to outstay his welcome. So we dipped out around 3:30pm. The drive back is like an hour and thirty minutes.

My daughter also received all of her patches she earned for this year. I’m going to have to consider getting her a vest. Her sash cannot hold all of the patches she managed to snag this year.

The girl scouts hooked my son up as well. As a thank you for all of the hard work he did during the cookie sales, they gave him $20 AND a $30 Wal-Mart gift card. I told him next year; maybe he won’t bitch as much.

To reward my daughter and the other western Oklahoma Girl Scouts who sold 600+ boxes of cookies, we were invited to go to a local camp for a day of fun.  Yours truly actually acquired a tan.  That's right!  I am no longer pasty white, of course, you don't want to see my ass but at least my legs aren't glowing anymore.

The kids were able to go on a scavenger hunt throught the camp.  The camp pool sprung a leak a few days before so we weren't able to go swimming.  There was a massive lake but the kids were only able to wade about knee deep in it...better than nothing, I guess.

I managed to snag some good nature shots while we were out there too.

Everything hasn't revolved around Girl Scouts.  The kids' school held their annual carnival which happened to be the same day as the girl child's girl scout awards.  I allowed the boy to go with a friend and I'd meet him there.  Upon arriving, I discovered that he was the lucky recipent of a two liter of freaking Mountain Dew. 
I gave him a WTF look and his response was simple, "But I already opened it!" 
How convient!

My daughter played a few games...then she spotted...the...horses.  That was it.  We spent the rest of the carnival riding the My Little Ponies over and over again.

Later that night, I allowed my son's buddy to stay over.  Throughout the night, I found my sleep being interupted by loud video games and such to which I would scream from my bedroom, "GO TO BED!"  In the morning, I found the ENTIRE bottle of Dew was gone!  I'm sure the boys had pinwheels in their eyes for most of the night.

Still to come in a later post…the boy’s crossover ceremony from cub scouts to boy scouts, his promotion ceremony from elementary school to middle school, the last day of school, the beginning of the summer, AND most importantly the rapture…yes, the rapture.  Don't worry.  My little agnostic slice of a blog will still be here on Sunday.  I'll be preparing for the zombie apocalyspe.  I made sure to call my hypo-Christian mother to tell her goodbye.  I've got to get my ducks in a row.

So you read it here first…all of my bullshit excuses for neglecting my blog.  However, lucky for me Scott still loves me and I'm off now to read his zombie post, followed by a pity party for being left out of this.

Oh and just in case Doug wants to be a smart ass again and has any snarky comments about forgetting to post my bowel you go...


  1. Boy, that must have been some pretty intense Nothing. And the tip, there is no easier wage that serving up a bunch of nothing and getting 8%-12% for the trouble.

  2. My busy body homie. 1. Super proud you have your priorities straight preparing for the zombie apocalypse, I have been drilling in my childrens head that if they spot a zombie that direct blows to the head will do the trick. No worries they are prepared. 2. I will be hitting you up to revel in the redonkuolous experience that is the "rapture" regardless of the outcome and 3. Proud of the chitlens and all the mayhem they are accomplishing. Much love and respect,
    Joanna aka Mojo Jojo

  3. Huh...Nations of Fun. It's not run by the mob? But actually by the Comanche Nation. Huh! whod'a thunk it!

    We just saw one of those Build-A-Bear joints today (spending the weekend in Branson - don't ask). Those places are GENIUS!! I need to think up something like that to make me a bajillion dollars so I can literally laugh my ass off all the way to the bank, the bank, the bank, the bank, the bank. Oh...and the bank! =)

    You know...those Iris in your pic are the same color as the ones that were in my pic. =) Mine were just skewed because of the sunlight! =)

    Now, I need to there a subliminal thing going on that would make you take a picture of dragonflies mid 69? Cuz seriously...that's what it looks like in that picture! LOL

    Love...Love....Love the Church Lady! Just that picture made me laugh out loud! Love. It!

    Glad to see you back woman! xo

  4. Oh...I remember my first Build-A-Bear. I had a white bear with a pink heart nose and I named her Princess and bought her a princess pink dress with a crown and a scepter with a star on pink bows and ribbons. I still have her somewhere, but I want to lodge a formal complaint because they made you make a wish before stuffing the heart into the bear and my wish didn't come true.

    Sounds like you've been busy! So we forgive you, and I'm glad to see you're not letting a little thing like the end of the world get in the way of your blogging. I'll be right here with you, but not until Monday because I'll be looting the Dr. Pepper Factory and Museum on Sunday. You know, the end of the world means lots of people want to steal my Dr. Pepper.

  5. @Scott Fuck that Nothing!
    @JOJO Definitely! Call me!
    @Jewell My daughter asked me to take their picture because the were "making a heart". LMAO!
    @Chanel Grab some diet for me!

  6. lmao...ok...honestly? NOT what I saw when I first looked at the pic. Had to go back and look at it a 2nd time to try and see that. I get it. I see it. I do. And yet...pretty sure that's more along the lines of the Dragonfly DL. lol

  7. You KNOW that insect porn is doing it for you, Jewell!!

  8. *blush* Well I HAVE had some luscious wine tonight and it is a weekend! And WTF? Insect porn is free! =) Oh yeah...I party like a rockstar! lmao =)

  9. We had the opposite problem with snow days. Some jackass Ohio politician reduced the number of "extreme weather days" for some dip-shit reason. It may be just a coincidence, or my imagination, but it seems like every school in the area took far more snow days then usual this winter. Personally, I think they were trying to stick it to this idiot. Well, it worked. The whole thing was overturned, and they've gone back to the old number of "extreme weather days"

  10. That was a turd in the bowel. Nice.

  11. I think you mean "bowl", Doug. Of course, at some point it was in the bowel, so...nevermind, that was a brilliant observation. Good for you, Doug.

  12. Mountain Dew sucks.

    Nice additions to your blog roll, by the way.

  13. @Doug That turd was just for you. As for those blogroll additions, any blog that shows you as a turd and Bryan doing...well, we all know what Bryan was doing...has a follow and plug from me.
    @Bryan I have to side with Doug here. Sorry. Mountain Dew is gross.


We have all got opinions. What are yours?