Shit You Should Know

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

An Award, Eyeballs, and Triple F

First, it seems that in the circle of bloggers in which I’ve grown accustomed to associating myself are now trending our eyes. All thanks to Chanel, of course. So here is my contribution.  Conveniently, since I've got my eyes on all of you I have also received this award times two from both Chanel and Bryan. They recognize my awesome…or at least, they tolerate it.
As always these little suckers come with rules…rules that I intend to twist to conform to my ever changing mood.

Stinking Rules:

1. List three things you would change if you were Overlord.

2. List ten blogs worthy of world domination. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. How about three?

3. Contact them about their new position of power.

As your overlord, I would make the following changes:

1.) First and foremost, I would lock some scientists in an underground laboratory until they invented teleportation. Screw the cost of fuel! I teleport, bitches!
2.) I would also do away with telemarketers. I mean, seriously, with all the junk mail we get in our inboxes and mailboxes do we really need phone calls too? REALLY? I would also execute anyone who sold another person’s contact information.
3.) Lastly, I would lower the salaries of most celebrities, athletes, and politicians. Many of these fools have so much money they don’t even know what to do with it. I mean, how many freaking cars does one person really need? I would take their cut salaries and apply them to people who actually make a difference like teachers, librarians, scientists, charities, etc.

Now the poor bastards that get this powerful award are…drumroll please…

Jewell of Really! Wait. What?

Rancher Mom of Rancher Mom's Realm

Thundercat of Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista
Also since I had company all weekend, I’m REALLY behind on my Fantastic Friday Five. I figured why not just throw it in here with this post.

1.) I’ve been listening to a zombie book on tape while jogging on the treadmill. I’ve come to the conclusion that the worst time to encounter a zombie would be during sex, especially if the person you were screwing was the one turning. As George Carlin would say, “These are the thoughts what keep me from being a productive member of society.”
2.) Finally, it rained in the great state of Oklahoma and I’m happy to say the truck hasn’t leaked. Now I just need to make it to the 2nd when I’ll finally be able to get the ol’ girl fixed.

3.) The kids recently had a photo-shoot. My son wasn’t very interested but my daughter, well, that’s a whole other animal. She thought she was a superstar. Here are a few. Keep in mind some of these are were scanned from the composite sheet so they are a little gritty.

4.) I’m so glad it’s rained. Goodness knows we needed it. My lawn and garden thanks you, Mother Nature. I do have one more request. Can I get a good night time thunderstorm, preferably one with some kick ass lightening and some sweet grumbling?

5.) During my parents’ visit, we went to the mountains and we ended up in the Holy City, home of the longest running passion play. I just want to let everyone know I wasn’t struck by lightning or anything upon stepping foot in the chapel. More details about the visit soon.

‘Til next time, friends.


  1. YAY! You're an Overlord(ess), too! And I LOVE your rules. Especially the one about celebrities. Charlie Sheen blowing through two million dollars every couple of days...It's ridiculous the amount of money those people waste!

    Yes, it would suck if you were having sex with someone who was turning into a Zombie.

    Your kids are cute!

    And Choo Choo needs to be bathed so that's it...

  2. That's an awesome pic of your eyes!...The pics of your kids are so good...I love the 1st one :) Milan looks like a superstar and Gabe looks too cool for't wait to hear about the visit from your family!

  3. Not a bad set of rules. You would make a pretty good overlord. One thing, though. I would like to be included in the salary increases, please. I deliver soda, dammit. That's an important job.

  4. Teleporting would be scary at first. I would worry that it would just be a clone of me coming out the other side, or getting my DNA mixed with a fly. After a while, I guess it would get to be routine. Yawn, get up on the pad.

    I was going to say something about the zombie sex thing, but...uh, I'll let that go.

  5. Teleporting. Very much needed. Where is Scotty, anyway?
    Zombie sex--if I said it someone I had sex with once might read it and have their feelings hurt so I won't write it down.
    Very cool pics. Kids are neat creatures. I understand mine about as well as I understand my cat. But the cat isn't photogenic.
    Love your stuff. Keep writing.

  6. I finally wrote your zombie story, by the way. It isn't much, but it is what it is.

  7. I am here G.G. Had to give it all she had and the recovery time is a nightmare. So, that might have been the fastest blog ever read or written. Good job. The last time I had sex with a zombie I asked if I could skip the four-play and just get right to the sex, because I tend to chaff and I hear cooties spreads via the mouth. Anyway, I thought I would say what Bryan might have said if he were me and going to mention zombie sex.

    That is all.

  8. @Chanel There are no words describe my distaste with Mr. Sheen.
    @Katie It's a recycled Facebook profile pic from awhile back.
    @Doug I will only agree to include you if you stock Diet Dr. Pepper.
    @Bryan Funny you mention mixing DNA. instead of the Star Trek pic I almost used a cartoon of man/cow hybrid causes by telportation. BTW, I am trying to work through catching up on reading everyone's blogs...AND keep myself caught up on writing my own. I am really excited about the zombie post!!
    @GG Most cats are assholes.
    @Scott Did you record it? I bet there is a market out there for zombie porn. I mean, you got people out there wanting to screw vampires and werewolves. Why not zombies too?

  9. @Scott: The sad thing is, I don't remember exactly what I was going to say now. It was something about body parts falling off in unfortunate places. Yeah, I think we'll leave it at that.

  10. Wait! I remember:

    I hear zombies are generous lovers. They always leave behind a big tip.

    Something like that.

    I'll stop now.

  11. Ba dum tsss...that was your rim shot.

  12. I didn't make it over here last night, but I made it tonight so that totally makes up for the fact that my body took over and hit me with drive lag. Right? Right? =)

    Anywho...thank you so much for passing this on to torture my readers with! =) BTW...can I just steal your top 3 things you would do away with? Because other than idiot politicians I'd have to say that pretty much covers it for me! Hey...maybe with 2 Overlordesses it will make the power to enforce these changes even stronger. Yep...definitely think I'm stealing those. However, since I have now been made Overlordess I reserve the right to flip off the rest of the rules! =)

    Love the pics of the kids!

    xo Muwah! Thanks for thinking of me again! =)

  13. I don't believe in Diet Dr. Pepper.


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