Shit You Should Know

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Creepy Crawlers

Her scream could be heard all the way in the kitchen. My daughter came running and yelling about a tarantula in the bathtub. I had never seen a real life tarantula in the wild…or my bathroom before. I grabbed my camera. This is what I saw.
NOT a tarantula but a scorpion. Since it was so close to the drain I decided to turn on scalding hot water and try to drown and flush it down the drain.

Due to the design of the drain, the scorpion didn’t actually go down. I grabbed the tweezers and decided to pick the little bugger up by the tail. When I did, it came crawling up out of the drain with its tail raised and it pinchers poised ready to fight me.

Behind me, I heard a buzzing noise. I turn around and there was a freaking yellow jacket in the sink. I ran out the bathroom. My heart was racing. I scooped up the bug spray from under the sink and proceeded to drown the beast with the poisonous stream.

This isn’t the first time we’ve gotten icky creepy crawlers around our property. Apparently, Oklahoma should be referred to as Buglahoma (thanks, cuz).

Once while washing clothes, I went to transfer clothes from the washer to dryer and I stumbled upon this crazy zebra looking beetle. My reaction was just to let out a scream and my hero Super Deuce came running. I managed to snap a picture of it just as Deuce turned it into a scene from a horror movie.
You my boy, Deuce!

Another thing around here that amazes me is the size of the freaking grasshoppers.
They are enormous AND they fly and give me the heebie jeebies. The thing I hate most about them is their unpredictability. They jump. They fly. These things are usually done in my direction which makes for humorous entertainment for those around me as I scream like a little bitch and flail my arms as I run. The only other insects that can make me act this way and give me the willies are:

a.) Cockroaches…the flying kind (also called palmetto bugs, water bugs, etc…depending on where you live). I prefer to call them fucking gross!!

b.) Junebugs…those flying brown beetles that hang out on your screen door at night usually when your porch light is on. These always seem to fly at my face.
A few times I’ve seen praying mantises. It was interesting seeing the looks on my children’s faces as I explained their violent mating rituals. My son declared that he was glad he wasn’t a mantis.

Every so often in the Sooner state *gag* amongst the mile long snakes and the insects large enough to run away with a newborn, you will see something as cute and cuddly as this little guy.
Rabbits roam our neighborhood, eating your plants and leaving little pellets of evidence all over the place. This little bunny was hanging out on my porch. It was small enough to fit into the palm of my hand. You can tell by looking at the bricks how tiny it really was. The problem?  The poor thing was spotted by my daughter. She brought it spinach to tried to coax it into her clutches. When that didn't work, she just went balls to the wall and reached out and grabbed the poor little bastard. It proceeded to thrash and scream! Yes, scream!

I had never heard a rabbit scream before. I had heard they could but had never had the pleasure. It managed to get away and it ran towards the neighbors (just like his mommy taught and wedged itself between the city garbage can and the fence.

The dogs are going ballistic at this point, both mine and the neighbors. My daughter wanted me to capture this poor little “suburban” woodland creature. I tried to explain that I don't want to move the garbage can for two reasons:

1.) I don't want the furball to get caught in the wheel.

2.) I don't want it to freak out and run under the fence to certain death. Either way, I would feel bad because who really wants to see the demise of a cute “wittle bunny wabbit”.
These explanations, while making sense to me, were not enough to convince a 7-year old Elmyra Duff wannabe (remember Tiny Toons?) that the sheer existence of this tiny rodent relative was more important than her need to hug it and kiss it and love it forever. This minor disagreement brought on tears and pouting and the declaration that I am, yet again, the worst mom in the whole wide world only second to child murderers such as Andrea Yates and Susan Smith.
Needless to say, I ended up having to send my baby girl to her room along with her tears, tantrum, and attitude where she fell asleep soundly dreaming of places where mommies let their little girls catch bunnies and Skittles really do come from rainbows. Hopefully, when she finally woke up Bugs Bunny’s love child will have moved on to greener pastures.


  1. If I found a scorpion in my bathtub, I would have to find a new house. Thankfully there is not much in the way of scary bugs where I live.

  2. Ugh! Scorpions and bees in the bathroom....oh HELL no! I don't think I'll be visiting anytime soon! Sheesh!

    We get those indecisive grasshoppers out here in MO too, and they generally pelt the shit out of me when I am out mowing. I'm sure that watching me try to dodge bodies as they fly at my head is pretty amusing to someone...

    I pretty much hate anything that buzzes too close...bees, wasps, huge mutant bugs that are as big as my head....whatever. Spiders buzz too, but it seems that no one else can hear it but me. Of course it might be my nerve endings sizzling on the gear up to screaming...but I doubt it. =)

  3. bugs are gross. when i was in jamaica, i heard a scream and ran into my sister's room. she was drying her hair and a giant centipede fell out of the towel. this thing was huge with a hard black exoskeleton. my cousin (who lives there), pushed her out of the way and started stamping on it with his boot and it would.not.die! that shell was like a freaking rock that he was practically jumping on it with both feet. he said that she was lucky it didn't bite her (they are known for biting) because they're poisonous and she would have had to go to the hospital!

    thank God in Canada where I live, we don't have nasty bugs like that. the winter would freeze the crap out of them.

  4. Well, I hope your happy. I'm itchy and freaking out like I always do when I see pictures of particularly nasty looking bugs. Those spiders will give me nightmares, mark my words.

    And I, too, scream like a little girl and run. Crickets are especially evil. Bees...I'm okay with bees. They are cute and fluffy and they will not sting unless seriously provoked. Unlike wasps and yellow jackets, which sting because they like to hear you scream and they can do it more than once without dying.

    I knew rabbits could scream. It's a horrifying sound. Makes me feel cold and creeped out. You little girl can play with my dog. She's small and loves to be cuddled and adored by children. But she'd have to give her back. I like to cuddle my puppy, too.

  5. Sometimes your tags are as good as the post. I'm particularly fond of "scream like a bitch."

  6. I am following you through the hop. Please return the follow at

  7. God bless mothers! You have the hardest job in the world. The only creature that would have frightened me was the scorpion. I'm never seen one up close and personal and in the house. The young bunny reminds us that it actually is Spring. Yeah!!!

  8. Ugly bugs. Cute bunny.
    I have a friend who moved to Texas from some wuss state and she is constantly shocked that we managed to go outdoors without getting killed by any of the horrible bugs here.

    We should form a "Worst Moms" club. I was recently the worse mom because I would not buy my 15 year old a 250.00 pair of sunglasses!

    Nice to meet you from the hops.

  9. G-rossssss....I like Chanel am all itchy now...ewww!....and why does a grasshopper have to look so frickin scary??...It should have a different name..

    PS..@Jewell, Spiders buzz? I will definitely take you word for that!

  10. I nearly threw my laptop off the bed when I saw the evil, demon-child scorpion! I have no issues with spiders, non-venomous snakes, or any other creepy crawlies. But scorpions can just all burn in hell as far as I am concerned!

  11. Following you on Networked Blogs. Oh my goodness, you have some interesting creatures where you are. The scorpion in the tub was pretty creepy!

    All the best,

    Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures

  12. @Cake Where do you live? I'm moving in!
    @Jewell that's too bad. I was planning on setting you up with a sleeping bag in the tub. ;)
    @Kathy I heard centipedes and millipedes were pretty scary.
    @Chanel OMG! Crickets too! Anything that jumps and flies irradicatly must be run from.
    @Doug lol Yeah if you ever need to locate this post I'm sure "scream like a bitch" is fine tag to do so.
    @Cryto I will check it out.
    @Debra I had never seen a scorpion up close until we moved to Oklahoma.
    @Heather Hell yeah! You can be president and I'll be V.P.
    @Katie I was going to post an online image of a cockroach but I kept closing the browser and moving away from the computer. Those were all personal pics except for the demotivational posters (thank god). There is no way I could have a personal pic of roaches. EW!
    @RM lol I'm glad you didn't toss your computer because I'd hate to start having to put a disclaimer on my page.

  13. I used to live in the Florida Keys, and the scorpions down there were everywhere. There was a locals custom that you never leave your shoes on the floor at night because the scorpions would crawl in and wait for morning. Even now 10 years later, and living in NC, I still shake out my shoes before I put them on!
    New follower from the hop, would love a hug back please!

  14. I am a new follower from Meet Me Monday blog hop.
    Please visit me back at

  15. You are comical... I love it! I'm a new follower from Mom Blog Monday!

  16. Bugs are so creepy I don't think I could handle the variety you have. It's great how you handle it with humor.

    Stopping by from Mom Blog Monday. Stop by and say hello when you get a chance. Would love to have you.

  17. If I find a blog I really like, I follow all their links. Your's is one of those, so you'll be seeing me around, get used to it!
    I'm glad I found you on the I Love My Online Friends Blog Hop! Love those hops. :D Please drop in at
    By the way, I'm from Oklahoma too! I've had 1 very unpleasant encounter with a scorpion too.
    Best of luck with your blogging. Okay, I'll shut up now.

  18. omfg.....ew. I would have been screaming and bathroom would have had an out of order sign for quite some time...
    Newest follower from the Fun Tuesday Hop Blog Hop!
    Come return the visit and enter one of our awesome giveaways when you have the chance :)
    The Sleppery Mind

  19. I'm not even gonna lie....I'm totally skeeved out right now!

    When I was vacaying in TN, there was a dead scorpion by the toilet....I spied it while peeing...and jumped midstream and hit the ground running!

  20. Thanks for joining in on the Tuesday Fun Hop!

    I'm following you back! :)

    The Professionally Insane M

  21. @Justfind It's time to start utilizing that tradition around here.
    @Val Thanks for stopping by.
    @Kelli I try. ;)
    @CJ I love when my commenters ramble makes me feel better about my own babbling.
    @Slep Lucky for me that was the kid's bathroom. Of course, they bathed in my shower for a few days after that but neither would admit it was because of the scorpion.
    @Boobs Maybe that's why there's always piss in the kids bathroom. I just thought my son couldn't aim.
    @Mad Thanks for following.

  22. Rabbits I could take bugs I can not lol...
    Also just wanted to stop by and let you know I'm your newest minion (have to ask r u a misha fan 2, forgive my dorkiness.


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