Shit You Should Know

Friday, February 25, 2011

Anxiety Is In Full Swing or Excuse My Rambling But That's How I Roll

Lately, I’ve been a busy little bee. I’m trying to make everything around me perfect for the homecoming happening very soon. So many things are going on that lazy, procrastinating me feels detached from my body watching everything else transpire. I am having more trouble than normal sleeping and when I eventually do fall asleep I wake up at least three times during the night. My stomach is in knots. I am a big ball of anxiety waiting to explode!

The best part though, I’m not going to lie, is the shopping (…well besides the obvious that my husband is coming home, anyway). I rarely shop for myself so being able to pick things out and actually purchase them is a blast. I seriously bought like four pairs of shoes and loved every second of it. Yes, I bought clothes too but shoes are so much more fun. It was easy to narrow down the choices for clothes. It was an ordeal to shrink the shoe order. The good news (for the checkbook anyway) is that I went from hearting twenty pairs of shoes down to four…just four.
I had to talk myself out of the “Pretty Woman” thigh high pleather boots. It was hard but I will survive.

I was surprised at some of the footwear I saw. Some websites actually have an entire section on “fetish” footwear. I HAD to see what that was about. I just had too! Some of it was hot…some of it was, well, just plain disturbing. Like these…
They look like my version of high heels I used to draw when I was in elementary school. On a serious note unless you were into ballet how in the hell would you not break your ankle in those?? I thought I was a bad ass because I was shopping for 4 and 5 inch heels.
Another plus to homecoming is getting the house into tip top shape. I have hired Molly Maids to come out and dust my house. I hate to dust. HATE IT…want to stab it! They are also going to clean my windows inside and out. Yay!
I’ve made a few purchases to help the kids organize their rooms better and have even promised them a bonus allowance if they keep their rooms cleaned for the next two weeks. I need to do whatever I can to keep them occupied. I’ve made plans for them to participate in scouting events this weekend and next. I figure it will make the time go by quicker for us all.

By the way, my kids still have no clue that Dad is coming home. I am trying my damnedest to keep this a secret from them. I want them to be surprised. I have even mapped out a treasure hunt for them. The plan is to bring the kids to a friend of my son’s house who lives a few blocks away. I have already worked this out with the kid’s mom. Next, I’ll swing back to the house and hide the clues in their appropriate places. Then I’m off to the airport to pick up my husband. Afterwards, I’ll bring him back to the house where I’m sure I will give in to his sexual advances because, hey, it’s been since October and this is much better than the battery operated stuff I’ve been using. Next, I will put my clothes back on. What? I can’t pick up the kids naked, pervert! Then I will help my husband into the hammock, hand him a beer, and I’m off to scoop up the children.
Upon our return, I will hand the children an envelope with their first clue in it. That clue will lead them on an adventure around the house looking for the coveted surprise at the end. I really hope all of this stays a surprise. I think my kids will enjoy the hunt for treasure. Suggestions would be appreciated.

As for plans while my husband is here, we really haven’t made any. Nothing even goes as planned it seems. So, we are just going to do whatever we feel like from day to day. It has conveniently worked out that the second week he is here will be Spring Break for the kids so should we decide a road trip in order it is on like Donkey Kong.

Did I mention I am super excited????????  It's definetey time for him to come home when I've thought about opening this box...


  1. I understood everything in this post except for the fact that somehow your husband coming home equals the need to buy four pairs of shoes.

    Unless he has some kind of weird shoe fetish himself, I don't think he's going to care much what you have covering your toes.

    As for the treasure hunt - I have no idea. I suck at stuff like that. I was going to say make it a themed hunt, but your kids are probably smart enough to figure out what the theme means.

  2. Wow. OCTOBER???

    I'm excited FOR you!

    And I love that treasure hunt idea. What an awesome way to surprise your kids!

  3. Now I'm wondering what's in that box?

  4. @Doug The shoes are more for me. He said I could get what I wanted so I did. Feet are gross. They must be covered!
    @Chanel Thanks! I like to keep my kids on their toes.
    @Bryan I told you it's 40 lbs. of rape!

  5. 40 pounds of, an angry circus midget, OD on Viagra is inside the box. I am with Doug on the shoe thing. If my wife was gone that long, shoes would be the last thing I would buy...unless it were some kind of S&M boot or Sock...

  6. Clothes are overrated, especially new ones. The ones you have to try on. You know the ones. The ones that soooo clearly SAY the right size, but are soooo clearly TWO sizes too small.

    Shoes...*sigh* I could be such a shoe whore! It would be so easy! Those shoes in the picture? Fuck that...I am NOT chopping off my toes to try and fit into those fuckers!

    Love! Love! LOVE! The treasure hunt plan...that's awesome! Pictures! =)

    The energy for my "Asha's going to be getting laid soon" dance is gaining momentum! =) So happy for you! xo

  7. @Scott I was thinking it was a little person too. Oooo...maybe it's a leprechaun. I love Lucky Charms!
    @Jewell I imagine your "Asha's going to be getting laid soon" dance to look something like the appliance humping robot from Robot Chicken. Am I right?

  8. Hey! How did you guess? I know you can't see me, there's a sticky over the webcam on the computer!!!

  9. Amazing! Got to hand it to anyone who keeps a box of rape around just in case!

  10. Rape is only 40 lbs? Wow, it's usually like 180 lbs and 5'9 or something like that...


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