Shit You Should Know

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Shut Your Face, Kid!

My son is the class clown, the future stand-up comedian.  In his fantasy world all the world is his stage.  He takes pride in entertaining the masses.  While I look forward to getting front row seats to his HBO special and listening to screaming fans chant his name, right now with him in the fifth grade I just can't seem to appreciate those dreaded phone calls from his teacher.

Today his teacher, Mrs. relation to Mr. T even though she does "pity the fool" who misbehaves in her class...called me to inform me that she was having an issue with my son talking in class.  This came as no surprise to me.  Upon meeting her at open house the day before the first day of school aka the last day of summer, I warned her of my boy's vocal problem.  Apparently, she moved the boy three different times because no matter who she set him by little Mr. Personality found someone to entertain.  At one point, Mrs. T said she put him at a table of little girls thinking that would shut him up.  It, in fact, put his silly meter on full throttle.  Hmmm...fifth grade, huh?  Does this mean the hormones have lift off?

As a last ditch effort, Mrs. T put the boy into the least desirable location in the whole classroom...the desk directly next to the teacher, the lone desk...far, far away from the other student clusters.  I hope they don't work on any group projects because what kid wants to end up partnered with their teacher?  lol  Actually it would serve him right for acting up in class.

Mrs. T also notified me that during recess she lectured him about disrupting the class and what not.  She said hopefully his move to the bad kid chair will only be temporary.  Maybe next time she'll pop a dunce cap on him...that'll show him!  What am I saying??  No it won't!  He'll just make an act out of it.

After hanging up the phone, I instructed the boy to sit at the kitchen table and draft an apology letter.  This is the ingenious work he bestowed upon me:

"Dear Mrs. T,
I'm sorry for goofing off in class today.  It won't happen again.  I think I know a way we can change it.  Maybe every time I talk you should take away five minutes of my recess.  My talking affects the class because when I talk other people start talking and then we are not learning.
My son"

I guess I have to be happy it didn't say something like "I'm sorry.  I couldn't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."  My goodness, school just started and already I've had a phone conversation with the teacher.  Geez!  Somebody help me!

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