Shit You Should Know

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Worms Are Our Friends

My daughter and her friend found a worm being attacked (aka eaten) by ants. They "saved" it and made a "habitat" for it. Apparently Polly Pocket is "so small you can take her anywhere" and it just so happens that her play sets are worm-size. Thank goodness because the Barbie Dream House would just have been too damn big.
As I discussed things like worm daycare and such with the girls, I asked if it was dead and they both said they saw it move. Although I never did, I suggested it was probably filled with ants. They thought I was joking but, trust me; I was as serious as cancer.
The worm was even important enough to get a name. They named it Katie even though I suggested Slimey as a tribute to Oscar the Grouch's pet worm on Sesame Street. Of course, they didn’t like it. I suppose if Hannah Montana had a worm it would not be called Slimey either. It’s named would probably be Miley or Lindsay or some other accolade to a waste of space celebretard. But don’t get me started on those people.
Anyway, I told them they could get jobs as oligochaetologists. I was met with blank stares. Kids are funny like that. Don’t they understand the business card possibilities?
They asked me what worms ate. I told them I suppose they eat leaves. So they decided Katie needed food. I don’t even want to know which of our plants they mutilated to feed it. They even served it on fine china (I mean, exceptional plastic by Mattel) Barbie plates. Katie has to be one of the most pampered worms on the face of this earth.  How many worms do you know that get wrapped in a blanket and placed on a chaise lounge?  None?  Yeah, me either until I met Princess Katie.  Seriously, I think MTV will be here later in the week to film an upcoming episode of MTV Cribs, followed by a filming of the E! True Hollywood Story called “Worms: Dug Up”. Don’t act like you aren’t setting your DVR to record it.
Later, my daughter even asked me if Katie could sleep in her room. I declined by explaining that worms prefer to live outside. I didn’t have to heart to tell her that I do not want any insect, invertebrate, or whatever hanging out in my house. She told me I was mean. Whatever. Sometimes I think if she thought I was the absolute coolest, it would be proof I was a sucky parent.

In the end the beloved Katie was released back into the wild. However, I suspect her release was really more of a planting as I believe since she was already dead or on the verge, she is now fertilizer on my lawn. Oh well. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…if today doesn’t get you then tomorrow must, right? R.I.P. Katie the worm (even though Slimey would have been a much better name).

No comments:

Post a Comment

We have all got opinions. What are yours?