Shit You Should Know

Friday, September 24, 2010

Would Jesus Like To Buy Some Popcorn?

Children are pretty interesting little creatures especially when they are your own. I’ve said before my son aspires to be a comedian and my daughter aspires to be a model as reflected by their day to day actions. Luckily, if those dreams happen to fall through they always have entrepreneurship to fall back on.
Currently, popcorn sales are underway for the Boy Scouts so my son is busting his ass trying to sell some overly-priced snack products. He called my husband’s grandfather and tried to convince him to purchase a $50 tin of chocolate covered crap. He did the same when he called my parents. He managed to get about $20 out of each of them.
My daughter felt the need to exercise her sales pitching skills as well so she got on the phone with my mom to tell her that I was selling stuff on eBay and she should definitely go there and bid on something…especially if it was something of hers. The agreement is whichever of their belongings sell they get to have the money. She loved selling Girl Scout cookies in the past but the thought of being able to keep the money for herself is all the more thrilling to her.
After that lovely conversation, my son asked if we were buying any popcorn. So I told the kids to pick something and braced myself for one or both of them to declare dibs on the $50 diabetic coma in a collector’s can. As I’ve said many times in other blog posts, every so often they do or say things that surprise you. This particular time was one of those times. My children agreed…let me back up here…they AGREED (!?!?!?) on the exorbitant cheese trio. They also asked if we could order a box of spicy microwave popcorn for their daddy’s first care package. How could I say no to their harmony and generosity? I mean, it seems so rare lately. Needless to say, it will cost a retarded $55 for approximately 40 ounces of popcorn.

Later, I took the boy to ask a few of our neighbors if they wanted to order anything to support the Boy Scouts. We ended up at Mrs. Sphere’s house. Mrs. Sphere is a very nice woman, extremely kind and intensely Christian. Anytime you go over there, you are always invited in and offered a glass of iced tea. Each time I go in I get stuck their at least an hour while she talks about her church and her favorite savior, Jesus, even though (or should I say more so since) I told her I was an agnostic on the cusp of atheism. I guess in a way I’m a sort of “project” for her. Boo! Thank goodness my boy had to go to his Boy Scout meeting. First rule of scouting, “Be prepared.” In this case, I knew I needed an exit strategy in place before we went there. Evacuation successful!
It really bugs me that nearly every person I come into contact with around here is nauseatingly nice but so blinded by their faith that they come across as illogical and unreasonable. I can’t deal with that. It burns me that people like Mrs. Sphere, while painfully sweet, feel the need to tell me about how great their god is every time I talk them. You are Christian. I get it, jeez! I’m not. We don’t need to discuss this topic every time we run into each other. Now shut the fuck up...please, ma'am. (You got to respect your elders.)
Here’s a thought. Does anyone else find it interesting that Christians, Mormons, and Jehovah’s Witnesses always seem to try to convert you? Ironically enough, they all think the other is wrong yet they believe in the same god. I’ve never been approached for conversion by a Muslim or a Jew. They must have a much more discriminating recruitment process. Another thought is Christians in particular talk about treating people the way you want to be treated. Well, if you don’t want me to try to alter your convictions than word from the wise, “Back off!!”
I try to teach my children tolerance for all people. Yep, tolerance is the key…that and a heaping helping of avoidance. In my opinion, religion itself is about as useless as expensive popcorn encased in a metal canister.  Maybe my son should hit Jesus up and see if he's in the market to purchase some popcorn.  What would Jesus do?  He would buy some popcorn.

24 comments:

  1. Conversion is part of the duties of a Christian. They call it spreading the gospel. I'm a former Catholic, I should know.

    I am Fickle Cattle.

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  2. I was raised Catholic, attending Catholic school, and then was thrown into nondenominational chritianity. I know why they do it. It is just annoying.

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  3. I love this post! Not all Christians are out to preach people to death. I promise. I even wrote a blog post about that last month, which prompted a friend to write a similar post. Those of us who are reasonable and just trying to live our lives are not trying to push our beliefs on anyone. Really, it's all I can do to get myself through the day. I don't need to wrestle everyone else into submission, too. Here's my post in the subject if you want to check it out. I'm not as entertaining as you are, though. http://hateschool-lovelearning.blogspot.com/2010/08/living-life.html
    I just happened to find this quote today. Even Mother Theresa didn't believe in preaching at people. "There should be less talk; a preaching point is not a meeting point. What do you do then? Take a broom and clean someone's house. That says enough." Now, I'm not completely clear on this, but I think she's saying, "If you want to help someone, quit preaching at them and do something useful." But I could be wrong.

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  4. I'll check it out, Amanda. I can absolutely respect people with faith as long as it isn't the only thing the talk about. It makes them come across as boring. I mean, I like eating cake but if I only talk about cake we wouldn't have much to talk about, would we?

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  5. I appreciate your comment on my post "The lady doth protest too much". The views expressed in this post of yours are precisely why I am careful not to be pushy about my faith. If someone notices something in me that they would like to have and they ask me about it, I am more than happy to share my thoughts but no one likes to be preached at. And I hate those over-priced items I feel guilted into buying from school children.

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  6. Yeah, biblical assault sucks!!

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  7. As a christian, i understand how non-christians feel abt being preached to. feeling offended is kinda common.
    anyway, i feel that at least i got someone(which is God) to turn to when the whole world goes against you yeah. (:

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    1. Yes, you are right..we should be open minded.

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  8. Asha, first of all, congratulations for your wonderful blog, I'm Catholic, but I respect any kind of religion, by the way, my wife is protestant. Change of subject, I'm following you and if possible we can drop our blogs this is my link http://www.englishtips-self-taught.blogspot.com it is about English tips, educative and a lot of people around the world, in particular non-native learners use it for practicing English. That's why I need to increase my followers and partners' links overseas, thanks for your comprehension an help advanced.

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  9. LOL I loved this! Thanks for the laugh. I am pagan and live in the south. A lot of Christians come to my door and try to preach. One even wanted to pray with me to save my soul. I did it just to humor them and give me a good story to tale. The kicker in this whole thing is my husband is Baptist. LOL We will get into fights about it and I will say "Why don't you just admit you think I am gonna burn in hell." That seems to shut his mouth pretty quick on all religious debate. LOL

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    1. He shut his mouth because he is a tolerant person. Anyway,it is hard to change what people think. People rather to choose "see then believe" than "believe then see".. Finally, we will know what is fault and truth until the last of our breathe.Easy to say, don't judge a book by its cover like you judge who is created the world because you don't know the really of inside out in our life. As an example, you never see your OWN BRAIN, but you believe you have a brain. Like Jesus, we never see Him but believe of His existence in our body, soul and spirit.So, why you believe you have a brain but you never see with your own eyes? How you are exist in this earth? I think that, people who never believe in God think that they are exist like Darwin theory, EVOLUTION OF APES to human.. Yes, you right. Nobody can force you except by your own heart.It's okay. We will see who is right and wrong when die.Nobody can change your thinking except Him.

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  10. i'am a CHRISTIAN but i understand how anti-christ feel when they are approached to go to church... but some of the people who hates christ in facebook is so rude because they make a page which is not respecting us CHRISTIANS... we CHRISTIANS don't curse the idols of other religions...

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  11. @Anon. Some people have too much time on their hands when they create a whole facebook page to hate something imaginary.

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  12. jesus loves you all

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  13. all of you will be so suprised on the last day, i can promise you wen the son of God comes back, you will regret all the words you said against Him. He is my Lord, King of Love, and He is very REAL.

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  14. @Anon. Doubtful but, hey, thanks for stopping by and proving my point.

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  15. Um...Anon, I am all for loving some Christ, but if you are going to defend him you could at least research what the fuck you are fighting for. "we CHRISTIANS don't curse the idols of other religions." I call the biggest curse THE FUCKING CRUSADES FUCKNUT! Everyone forgets this so easily. I blame Obama.

    Also, lets not forget God Hates Fags, the entire KKK, the numerous bible quotes that clearly states thy shall not do this or that OH AND SPEAKING OF WHICH, there is a commandment that tells you not to fuck with any other "idol" and I do not mean Carrie Underwood. Also, I think Jesus would be a tab bit upset at the grammar. I mean, really, you can not even Capitalize your LORD and Saviour and after dying on the cross for you. i'am totally disappointed. And there is only one anti-christ, so you are disrespecting Him as well. Also, don't be such a Judas.

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  16. Dearest Asha-
    http://myfavoritehatemail.blogspot.com/
    Now get to work submitting. :)
    ~K

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  17. Dear God, sir, please don't smite Asha. She is funny. Also, could you please send some traffic over to the awesome I like Cheese blog. Thanks. - Dou... I mean, Mr. Anonymous.

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  18. The only ones we get around here are the Mormons and the Jehova's Witnesses, but since we moved out of the city, they don't come to our house any more. Back in the U.S., I just used to tell anyone that came to my door trying to convert me that I was a druid. That left them with their mouths hanging open. If that wasn't enough to get rid of them, I would proceed to tell them that one of our rituals involved dancing around trees naked, and would they care to join us? That worked every time! :D

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  19. Funny stuff...My God has the best sense of humor and would love this!

    Why do people get so uptight about this stuff and try to shove their beliefs on everyone?

    Please God don't smite Anonymous for braking the cardinal rule of "thou shall not judge"

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  20. this is why you hate them... because your hatred stands no chance against the love of those who preach! love just absorbs hatred. a tai chi master will tell you the same.
    however i'm just as much as you against the church as an institution. it is but the shadow of what it could have been...

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    Replies
    1. What the hell are all the Christians doing on this site? Get lost.

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