Coming to a Convenience Store Near You

Right before my husband got his new job, he managed to get an army buddy of his a job working with him.  We told this friend (we'll call him Buddy) he was welcome to stay in the front room of our home.  It's a closed in formal living room that we had yet to put any furniture into.  When my husband and I discussed it, I told my him that I had no problem with Buddy coming to stay with us for a few months until he could save up some cash to get his own place.  After all, when we lived in Fort Hood Buddy basically lived at our house on the weekends anyway. 

Shortly before Buddy moved here (ironically from Alabama), my husband was offered a job with a different company that would send him to Alabama for training followed by two years in Afghanistan separated by two weeks of R&R every six months or so.  We didn't want to be assholes so we told Buddy he could still stay with me and the kids as long as he was okay with that.  So now we have this surrogate male role model at our house.  Sometimes it feel like he actually should have been a character in the movie Role Models.

Recently we went to Cracker Barrel.  While waiting for our food, Buddy started looking through one of the kid menus.  He came across an activity that involved designing your own candy, naming it, and picking out a flavor for it.  He came up with Baby Babes.  I suggested Maybe Babies. Buddy said Maybe Babies should be flavor of dead babies (salted).  Sounds delicious right?  Then he drew a picture of an embryo.  I suggested they'd be gummy-like.  Later Buddy came up with a catchy jingle.  I mean, seriously, every great product needs a catchy jingle, right?

"Maybe Babies!
It tastes like a fetus.
You just can't beat us.
Maybe Babies!
C'mon and eat us."

LMAO!  I think Buddy and I found the kids menu more entertaining than the children did.  Something tells me the people at the tables around us didn't find our fetus humor very, well, humorous.  Oh well, screw them.

Friendships Wanted, Not Needed

Six months I've been here and I'm convinced no matter where you move people are either crazy or boring or both.  Making friends has never come easy to me...maybe I'm a snob.  If I think someone is a bore and/or a lunatic, I will go out of my way to keep my distance.  For some reason though, these people are drawn to me like bums to bus terminals.
It doesn't matter where I am, the check out line at the grocery store, the gas pump, or an airport bathroom, these individuals will talk to me and divulge the craziest things to me.  At first, this entertained me.  I felt complimented in a sense that I must put these people at ease in a way that they feel comfortable telling me about their issues.
Let me interject here.  When I say "crazy", I do not mean someone diagnosed with mental disorders.  At least when these people do something out of the ordinary, you can empathize.  No, I'm talking about these folks that seem to eat, sleep, and breathe drama.  I'm referring to those people that seem to go out of their way to invent problems just so they have something to entertain themselves.  To these people I say, find another hobby!!
Anyway...
For a long time (probably the first twenty or so years of my life), I didn't have any rules or regulations for a person to be my friend other than you couldn't be a total asshole.  I would talk and befriend anyone and it would remain that way until they did something to piss me off.  As time went on and my family and I relocated to Fort Hood, these lackadaisical stipulations proved to be more time consuming than previously anticipated. 
With deployments and loneliness running rampant throughout the base, spouses clung to different forms of companionship.  I chose the safe, platonic route.  At first, it was nice to have the company of other women.  I felt a bond with them due to our similar circumstances.  Little did I know the drama that would surround many of these females like the dust cloud that hovers around Pigpen from Peanuts comics.  Like I said, at first this entertained me.  It was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer or Maury Povich pan out right before your very eyes.  I wanted to grab a bowl of popcorn and sit back and enjoy the show.  That was until these loonies began including me in the craziness.  It was at that time I had to step back, take a deep breath, and say "Fuck. This."
After the military, we headed back to our hometown in New Orleans area on the good ol' Westbank which by the way was only supposed to be temporary.  It, unfortunately, turned into nearly two years.  During that time I stuck to the handful of people I knew who where a.) not boring, b.) not crazy, and c.) trustworthy.  Seriously when I say handful, I literally mean like five people, nearly half of which were family members.
On more than one occasion people would tell me how they didn't understand how I could cut myself off from others so easily.  I don't really see the problem.  Why should I befriend people who I don't really enjoy being around?  What?  Just so I can say I have oodles of friends??
Now we are in Oklahoma and I must admit I am a little lonely.  However, I'm not lonely enough to resort to being bored to death just for the sake of company.  I also will not participate in their drama just to be entertained...they have reality shows for that.   Also, I can't stand liars.  Furthermore while I believe fully in freedom of religion, I cannot be around someone who feels the need to "save" me.  I must be able to be myself 100% and the truth is I curse like a drill sergeant and I am completely random ESPECIALLY after a few drinks which I look forward to consuming at least one a week if not (and hopefully) more.
As you can see, I do think it's wise to have a hobby.  Everyone needs something to occupy their time.  So as for me, I'm going to blog my own thoughts and try to avoid falling into the same old habits.  Truth is, loneliness is a bitch and as much as I'd love to move into a cave somewhere, we both know it isn't going to happen.  So in the meantime, I'll keep my fingers crossed that one of these days in my trek around Texhoma, I'll actually come in contact with someone that can hold an intelligent conversation with me that doesn't involve gossip and rumors.  I won't hold my breath though.