An Award, Eyeballs, and Triple F

First, it seems that in the circle of bloggers in which I’ve grown accustomed to associating myself are now trending our eyes. All thanks to Chanel, of course. So here is my contribution.  Conveniently, since I've got my eyes on all of you I have also received this award times two from both Chanel and Bryan. They recognize my awesome…or at least, they tolerate it.

As always these little suckers come with rules…rules that I intend to twist to conform to my ever changing mood.

Stinking Rules:

1. List three things you would change if you were Overlord.

2. List ten blogs worthy of world domination. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. How about three?

3. Contact them about their new position of power.

As your overlord, I would make the following changes:

1.) First and foremost, I would lock some scientists in an underground laboratory until they invented teleportation. Screw the cost of fuel! I teleport, bitches!

2.) I would also do away with telemarketers. I mean, seriously, with all the junk mail we get in our inboxes and mailboxes do we really need phone calls too? REALLY? I would also execute anyone who sold another person’s contact information.

3.) Lastly, I would lower the salaries of most celebrities, athletes, and politicians. Many of these fools have so much money they don’t even know what to do with it. I mean, how many freaking cars does one person really need? I would take their cut salaries and apply them to people who actually make a difference like teachers, librarians, scientists, charities, etc.

Now the poor bastards that get this powerful award are…drumroll please…


Jewell of Really! Wait. What?

Rancher Mom of Rancher Mom's Realm

Thundercat of Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista

Also since I had company all weekend, I’m REALLY behind on my Fantastic Friday Five. I figured why not just throw it in here with this post.

1.) I’ve been listening to a zombie book on tape while jogging on the treadmill. I’ve come to the conclusion that the worst time to encounter a zombie would be during sex, especially if the person you were screwing was the one turning. As George Carlin would say, “These are the thoughts what keep me from being a productive member of society.”

2.) Finally, it rained in the great state of Oklahoma and I’m happy to say the truck hasn’t leaked. Now I just need to make it to the 2nd when I’ll finally be able to get the ol’ girl fixed.

3.) The kids recently had a photo-shoot. My son wasn’t very interested but my daughter, well, that’s a whole other animal. She thought she was a superstar. Here are a few. Keep in mind some of these are were scanned from the composite sheet so they are a little gritty.

4.) I’m so glad it’s rained. Goodness knows we needed it. My lawn and garden thanks you, Mother Nature. I do have one more request. Can I get a good night time thunderstorm, preferably one with some kick ass lightening and some sweet grumbling?

5.) During my parents’ visit, we went to the mountains and we ended up in the Holy City, home of the longest running passion play. I just want to let everyone know I wasn’t struck by lightning or anything upon stepping foot in the chapel. More details about the visit soon.

‘Til next time, friends.

Fantastic Friday Five #8

Ok. I KNOW I missed last week’s Fantastic Friday Five and NO I don’t really have a good excuse other than oops, I forgot. I suppose to make it up to you guys I should give you double the Fantastic Friday Five…but, I’m not that generous. Oh, and I’m lazy…and sort of bitchy. Read between the lines of #1 and you’ll know why. So here’s this week’s and this week’s only Fantastic Friday Five for your reading pleasure.


1.) After a fun filled time with my husband for his leave, I am happy to announce I am NOT pregnant! This totally deserved a spot at #1 this week. My best friend is getting her tubes tied. Sounds like a GREAT idea to me!!!

2.) After over a year, my parents are finally making a trip to my house. I’m excited. My sister and her son are coming too. She is already making a list of things she wants me to cook for her. My mother wants to play Rockband. ;) Oh, it’s on!!

3.) It is almost official. Today, I sent in my final payment for our truck. Once I am holding that title in my hand, I am throwing a party. Of course, the shindig will involve me and a bottle (or two) of wine, but a party nonetheless.

4.) I want to move to a nudist colony. Seriously! I am so freaking sick of doing laundry. I swear sometimes I don’t even think the kids wear the clothes that I wash. What is REALLY infuriating is when I find folded…FOLDED clothes in the dirty clothes basket that now smell like stank ass!

5.) Apparently, I’m awesome. (Of course, if you are here reading this you should already know that.) What you may not know is it seems I am SO super “fantabulously” awesome that someone is out there impersonating me on Facebook. However, it seems they have a few things wrong. For instance, it says I’m a cashier at Burger King. I’m also a stripper who’s in college. Oh, and I’m from Poland. I’ve also noticed that I have poor grammar that reads similar to a letter from a foreign scam artist wanting to “give” you money. See here and here.  I’ve learned so much about myself. (Update: The picture has been changed…probably because I reported them to the Facebook powers that be.)

Ok.  I've changed my mind.  I will give you a small bonus since I left you hanging last week.

BONUS:  If anyone knows where I can get one of these you can contact me via my fake Facebook page above.

Enjoy your weekend!!!

Somebody Is About To Get Smited!

If this isn’t your first visit to my blog, you know I have no problem sharing information about myself. To be honest, I rather enjoy it. Maybe I’m a borderline narcissist or maybe I’m just true to my Leo nature. Either way this post is brought to you today because someone out there wants to feed my ego.

Thanks to Debbie at No Filter Mom for giving me another opportunity to gloat endlessly about how awesome I am be honored with the Versatile Blogger Award.

Now like most awards, this one comes with a set of rules that I am required by law to follow or else the blog gods will smite me. I’ve never been smited but it doesn’t sound pleasant. I imagine the blog gods to sit in front of a computer screen similar to Dr. Claw, the bad guy from the old Inspector Gadget cartoons.

Piss them off and they press their big red “smite” buttons like this one.

Here are the blog commandments of the Versatile Blogger award.



1.) Thank the person who gave you the award. (Done! See above.)

2.) Share 7 things about yourself. (Three cheers for narcissism!)

3.) Pass the award on to 10 unsuspecting victims other versatile bloggers and mock them let them know you did.

Here's some stuff about me.  I know you can't wait.  That's why you are here.
1.) My most favorite soda is Diet Dr. Pepper. It is by far the best tasting diet soda there is on the market in my opinion and my opinion is all that matters (to me anyway).

2.) I like the Counting Crows very much. I have all of their albums. Adam Duritz is an amazing poet.

Goofy looking? Yes but extremely talented. I have a thing for poetry. Just ask my husband. He got me hook, line, and sinker!

3.) I love that my children are in scouting. I had some of my best childhood memories while in girl Scouts and I enjoy sharing my stories with my kids.


little ol' me...got to love that sofa behind me

I hope that they will have fond memories as well. By the way, the official cookie count as of today is 459. She’s almost to her goal of 600 boxes. (Technically, this one is only sort of about me.)


4.) I have zero talent (or patience) when it comes to making things. I’m so envious of people who can do things like make jewelry or scrapbook or draw. My “creations” look like a kindergartener made it. Besides, people don’t appreciate painted noodles glued to paper like they used to. Martha Stewart I am not.

5.) My boy child is a lot like me. He’s creative, silly and sometimes caring to a fault. He likes to read and when he talks about something that excites him his eyes light up. He has so much enthusiasm you can’t help but get sucked into his story. (I guess this one is isn’t really about me either. But, you will take what I give you and you will like it!)

6.) I still play the Sims from time to time. How old am I??? I enjoy watching my husband play games like Elder Scrolls on the Xbox but I lack the hand coordination to operate the controller. The Wii is more my speed and even that is pushing it.

7.) I don’t like making lists that end in an odd number. It bugs me.

Finally, I am supposed to pass this along to 10 more people. Well, that’s not going to happen. I know…smite me, oh mighty smiter!

There have been many awards going around lately and I know many of the people I follow have already received this award. So for the sake of not duplicating, I will give it to 2 bloggers and I have decided to pull a Doug and get cheesy with it. So here is the award I’ll be giving out.

It’s the Quintessential Versatile Blogger Award. I would like to give this award to Alysha at Supermom and Rancher Mom at The Taylor Family Ranch. Enjoy, ladies.

On a closing note, the time for my husband’s leave is coming up fast. So if you don’t hear from me in a few weeks, I’ve haven’t really been smited. I’m probably just busy doing…things…yes, that's it…things.