Ok. I KNOW I missed last week’s Fantastic Friday Five and NO I don’t really have a good excuse other than oops, I forgot. I suppose to make it up to you guys I should give you double the Fantastic Friday Five…but, I’m not that generous. Oh, and I’m lazy…and sort of bitchy. Read between the lines of #1 and you’ll know why. So here’s this week’s and this week’s only Fantastic Friday Five for your reading pleasure.
1.) After a fun filled time with my husband for his leave, I am happy to announce I am NOT pregnant! This totally deserved a spot at #1 this week. My best friend is getting her tubes tied. Sounds like a GREAT idea to me!!!
2.) After over a year, my parents are finally making a trip to my house. I’m excited. My sister and her son are coming too. She is already making a list of things she wants me to cook for her. My mother wants to play Rockband. ;) Oh, it’s on!!
3.) It is almost official. Today, I sent in my final payment for our truck. Once I am holding that title in my hand, I am throwing a party. Of course, the shindig will involve me and a bottle (or two) of wine, but a party nonetheless.
4.) I want to move to a nudist colony. Seriously! I am so freaking sick of doing laundry. I swear sometimes I don’t even think the kids wear the clothes that I wash. What is REALLY infuriating is when I find folded…FOLDED clothes in the dirty clothes basket that now smell like stank ass!
5.) Apparently, I’m awesome. (Of course, if you are here reading this you should already know that.) What you may not know is it seems I am SO super “fantabulously” awesome that someone is out there impersonating me on Facebook. However, it seems they have a few things wrong. For instance, it says I’m a cashier at Burger King. I’m also a stripper who’s in college. Oh, and I’m from Poland. I’ve also noticed that I have poor grammar that reads similar to a letter from a foreign scam artist wanting to “give” you money. See here and here. I’ve learned so much about myself. (Update: The picture has been changed…probably because I reported them to the Facebook powers that be.)
Ok. I've changed my mind. I will give you a small bonus since I left you hanging last week.
BONUS: If anyone knows where I can get one of these you can contact me via my fake Facebook page above.
Wow! I know this is a very late Fantastic Friday Five post but this week has been pretty boring with the exception of two sick kids. Forgive the briefness.
1.) My daughter came home from school on Wednesday burning up with fever and complaining that her stomach hurt. She stayed home Thursday and felt better by lunchtime (just my luck). Today I get a phone call while I’m running errands that my son is not feeling well. I end up having to go pick him up from his field trip. You KNOW a kid is sick when they want you to pick them up from a field trip. He felt better within a couple of hours and has been driving me crazy ever since. All I can say is at least I didn’t have to clean up any barf. Knock on wood.
2.) More kid news…my daughter managed to reach her Girl Scout cookie goal. She sold a whopping 600 boxes of cookies. She’s getting a butt load of patches and she earned enough cookie dough (money that can be spent at the scout store) to buy herself some nice scouting things. I also don’t have to pay for her registration next year since she sold so many cookies. I am so proud of her. Now if only I can get my son to get his shit together so he can earn his Webelos patch for Cub Scouts.
3.) Some things in life are ass backwards. For instance, my husband had his leave but he could not turn in any of his expenses until after he made it back to Afghanistan even though he had to reserve plane tickets and such over a month in advance. However, the company credit card doesn’t wait to send its bill for over almost 3K which is required to be paid in full. I said screw it. I wasn’t about to dip into my personal funds to pay that. So I called the company and told them I would pay it when the employer reimbursed us which should be mid-month. Also, it burns me that we are middle men. The employer REQUIRES you get the company credit card. I don’t understand why they just don’t pay it instead of sending the money to us and then making us pay it.
4.) I’m taking the kids to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2: Roderick Rules. My son is a big fan of the books. In my opinion, the books are very cleverly written. The pictures give it a comic book feel which in turn makes my son think he isn’t really reading. Shhh! Don’t tell him the truth. My daughter likes to read Dork Diaries which is sort of like the girly version of the Wimpy Kid series. I’m just glad the kids are reading. I guess I can’t expect to get them to read Atlas Shrugged…yet.
5.) On a completely unrelated topic…my son received some prism glasses on the field trip today. He informed me a few moments ago while he was wearing them that he was going to the bathroom to see how his pee looks. Now I’m being told it looked like a rainbow. This has been an Asha Special Report. You’re welcome.
It’s time for an update for all of you out there that actually give a shit. I’ve decided Friday is always a good day for that aka a good day for some filler. So here it is my Fantastic Friday Five for your reading pleasure. Enjoy…or not.
1.) We are officially no longer indebted to the U.S. treasury. The husband does not have a default army re-enlistment bonus hovering in his credit report. Happy dance! Now I can start paying off the truck.
2.) The first born is improving in school. It’s about damn time too! He’s driving me crazy being punished. I don’t know who suffers more, me or him. Progress reports will be coming home next week. According to his teacher he has an A in English and Science and a C in Math, Reading, and Social Studies.
If he keeps this up, I’ll have to fork out the retarded amount of money as promised for Space Camp. He needs to finish the school year with an A in Science and at least a B in everything else.
3.) My fat ass is trying to get in shape. I’ve taken on Atkins again…only because it allows me to see results from the start. Results keep me focused and I normally lack focus. I also am in the routine of doing the Wii Fit each day and walking on the treadmill. I am kicking ass (basically my own) on the Wii Fit. I am the queen of the hula hoops.
My husband said, “Well, you did always know how to work your hips.” To which I responded, “When you got an ass this big, you kind of have no choice!”
4.) My husband gave me an early Valentine’s Day gift. It’s a pearl ring to go with my other pearl jewelry. It’s fantastic!
5.) Lastly, Doug over at I Like Cheese has decided that my blog does not suck and has given me an award to prove it. Be sure to pay him a visit and make sure you let him know that you don’t think I suck either.
Well, friends, that about wraps it up for this first installment of my Fantastic Friday Five. Feel free to do your own. I’m not stingy. You don’t even have to link back to me.
Stay tuned for zombie dreams, death, phone harassment, and adventures in scouting all coming soon.
Another day, another call from my son's teacher...
What the hell am I going to do with him? Mrs. T said he has missed a few homework assignments. Great...it's like fourth grade all over again!
To back track...at open house she said that they rarely give work designated for at home. Instead, the students are required to finish any work they fail to complete in class at home. Easy enough, right? Apparently, this goes over my son's head. For the past few weeks he's been coming home with next to nothing in his backpack, telling me he finished it in class.
So now, Mrs. T and I are requiring him to have his planner initialed by each of us everyday. This is the sort of shit I was hoping he would be done with at this point. He is so much like my husband used to be...does just enough to get by no matter what his potential is. It's enough to make me want to shake the snot of him. Is shaken baby syndrome still relevant for a 5th grader? Would it be shaken pre-teen syndrome? They tell you not to shake your babies but I've never heard anyone say don't shake your almost middle schooler. I'd like to announce my advocacy to this subject matter. Maybe it would rattle some sense into his skull...you know, activate his "school is more important than my xbox" receptor.
Kids! Can't live with them...can't sell them on the black market. You know, when I was young and stupid I wanted five kids. Now I have two and I'm glad I'm one of those people that rarely finish what I start. Hooray for procrastination (and birth control)!
In other news...
Lately, I've been watching that show, Hoarders, on A&E. I purged the file cabinet of useless, outdated papers all while watching an episode. Does that make me bulimic?
I've been making the kids go through their rooms and bring me things that they don't use or want. Some things are being posted on eBay and some things are being posted on my local freecycle group. What ever is left is going to Goodwill.
My summer time guilty pleasure, Big Brother, has ended. It's a sick and ugly addiction, I know. Many times I thought my family would stage an intervention but I guess they just don't love me enough. It probably doesn't help that half of my family is addicted too. We need family rehab. After such a lousy season maybe CBS will not bring it back for a 13th season (yes, I fucking said 13...I'm as shocked as you are). If that happens we can all quit cold turkey.
The best news of the day...my husband got his first paycheck from the new job. I was able to catch up on all of the bills and still had money left over. No worries! I love it.
Any ho-ha...
As the title says, "not much to report"...hopefully, I'll have more to share soon. Don't
miss me too much.
I suppose I should advise you now that this will not be a typical blog about one topic. No. This post is going to end up a random mess of ideas, thoughts, and perceptions. There are a lot of erratic things going on in my brain at 1000 mph all at once. It’s like I have ADHD or something.
Anyway…
With summer coming to an end and the crazy 107 degree weather a thing of the distant past, my sinuses are going haywire. The kids have been all sniffly too. I got both of them their flu shot. My son yanked his arm away from the guy administering it. Then complained for the next few hours about how bad his arm hurt. I told the goober that he made it worse by being a wimp. Not to mention after all these years a doctor has finally realized my children do in fact have allergies and require prescriptions. Hooray! More ways to spend money! Yippee! Honestly, I’d rather buy shoes.
With no husband since mine is away at training awaiting his overseas "adventure", I am pretty lonely. I don’t mean in sexual sort of way (yet, anyway). Since we haven’t lived here long, I have yet to really click with anyone. I guess I’m anti-social but people tend to be jerks and/or pains in the ass. I prefer to keep my distance. Besides, everyone I’ve come across so far is very involved in their church. Although these people seem nice (and I’m sure most of them really are), I feel obligated to stifle who I am around them and I just find that to be challenging and down right unfair.
The truth is I curse, I drink, I smoke, and usually in that order. Furthermore, my faith (or lack thereof) falls somewhere in the middle of agnostic and atheist. That alone is enough to make me a social outcast here on the Bible belt. Of course, I’ve never been the sort of person to run out and join a club just to fit in and I’m not about to start now. When I think about it I’ve always been a sort of pariah in my own way and I’m okay with that. I much prefer to go my own way and not be just another sheep in the flock.
And now for something completely different…
Right now we are behind on a few bills. To prepare for my husband leaving the country, we had to dip into some of funding to pay for things like expedited passports, etc. One of the things that we are behind in right now is our truck note. I called to tell them we would be late but they still call EVERY day. It’s pretty annoying. It’s almost like they think if they call a ridiculous amount of time, the money I owe will miraculously materialize in my bank account. If that were the case, I’d be late all the time in hopes that money would overflow from my checkbook. I'm greedy like that. I like dollar, dollar bills, ya'll!
Since I’ve managed to get to the topic of money, I’ve been having a problem with email scams. This week alone I was contacted by two people (maybe it was actually the same person, I don’t know) about wanting to purchase Avon products from me. One person wanted to mail me a money order or cashiers check all the way from the United Kingdom to purchase almost $500 worth of products. The other person wanted me to run their credit card for over $2000 worth of stuff but mama didn't raise no fool. Don’t get me wrong. I would LOVE to get a huge ass order but I’m not a moron either. I’m not about to let some scammer take me for a ride. It makes me wonder how many foolish people have been scammed by these people.
Oh, by the way…shameless plug here…if you want to order Avon you can check out my online store at http://www.youravon.com/acoleman5971. All orders $30 or more receive FREE direct shipping to anywhere in the U.S. Sorry. I couldn’t resist.
And way out in left field…WHY am I just getting around to watching Arrested Development?? Seriously! I recently watched the entire series on Netflix, a total of three seasons. That is one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. It’s right up there with My Name Is Earl and The Simpsons. I hate when gems such as these get past me. Apparently, it got past a lot of people since it was cancelled after the third season. The narrator in one episode even made the comment, “Tell your friends about this show.” If you haven’t watched it, you really should. And, of course, you can trust me. I mean, I have a blog on the Internet. Would someone who was lying to you be out here in the World Wide Web?
MUAHAHAHA! Sorry. I can’t help myself. There’s another reason I don’t have many friends. I lack self-control. At least, I had the decency to warn you from the beginning of this roller coaster ride of randomness so I can’t be all bad, right? Wait! Don’t answer that.
For a little over a month, I had been keeping a journal. I did it on a friend's suggestion that it would help me with the things I had been going through on an emotional level. For nearly 30 days, I wrote my innermost thoughts. Then I began to realize I don't want to dig that deep into myself. With all the things that have been going on in my life in the past few years, diving that deep into my brain made me feel, well, depressed. I would journal about certain topics and then feel shitty for the remainder of the day and sometimes into the next day. I also felt that I kept continually rehashing the same things over and over and over again. Anyone that knows me will tell you, me and emotions (especially sadness) are not very close. Bring on the raging anger any day! I don't do the tears...it feels like weakness and giving up to me.
So, now I decided what's best for me is to just scratch the surface. I figure if I'm putting myself out there for all to see, I will express myself in a way that isn't so "poor me" which is more comfortable and true to life than what my journal was turning into. I've decided that some things are better left inside your head...filed away deep in the back of your mind. I know many arm chair psychiatrists and basement therapists will disagree but I'm going do what I feel is necessary and relevant to my life.
All those things said...on to the meat...
There is a very good chance my husband will be going away awhile for work. I'm not looking forward to this at all but I look at it this way:
I have already dealt with two deployments. The first one I did under very similar circumstances as right now and made it through. The second was much easier. I knew what to expect. This time not only do I know what to expect, we are a little more financially prepared to handle whatever curve balls life throws our way.
Once he returns we will be much closer to being able to finally purchase a home.
We can get the debt monkeys off our backs.
We will have the opportunity to actually set aside a college fund for the kids.
I do not expect it to be a cake walk but I KNOW I can do this. I know this because when backed into a corner the claws always come out! When push comes to shove, I'm going to do whatever I need to do to move my family forward just like what my husband is doing.
He said in taking this job he will have a supervisor position on top of working directly under a three star general. He said that if he can add that general as a reference on his resume in addition to all the experience he will gain going away, his career will be golden. I hope he's right.
At this point, I'm ready to pray to any god, stick pins in a voodoo doll, light a candle or two, or sacrifice a goat just to ensure that this all works out to our benefit. I'm just tired of struggling and having nothing to show for it. I'm not some high maintenance person either. When I say I want something to show for it, I mean I want a house. And I'm not talking some five story mansion with an indoor pool and a mini movie theater. I just want a quaint home on some land. I'm not fond of neighbors...I'm not fond of people in general for that matter. I want enough money to be able to pay my bills, put money on the side for my children to attend college, and have a little left over for minor upsets that arise from time to time and/or a little entertainment cash. I don't need a yacht although a small boat would be nice. I don't need a $50,000 vehicle...just a small vehicle that gets me from point A to point B when needed. I want my kids birthdays and Christmas to roll around and not scrounge for pennies just to buy them a gift or two just so something is under our tree or next to their cake.
We will make it there someday and by my husband taking this job it feels within our grasp. Hopefully in two years, I'll be able to blog about how everything worked out. I must say though, many times I wonder what the hell I did in a past a life since nothing has seemed to go as we've planned. I have my fingers crossed we have finally paid our debt to fate and now things will start to look up. We shall see, won't we?
