An Agnostic Episode

Almost daily you will hear people around you pray for some sort of healing. "My dad is sick...my baby is sick...etc." I don't understand how a god that can heal you allowed you to get sick in the first place.
Recently, my mother and I conversed about this topic and she brought up the idea of freewill.  I explained to her that it is beyond my scope of understanding how god, a "father", would allow his child to be ill in the first place when he has the power to cure the sickness. I went a step further and said that the children that are in homes sustaining abuse do not have the freewill to stop the horrors that take place within their walls.  To them it is normal, it is life.
I'm sure someone will think me horrible for saying these things, but hey, that has never stopped me before...
I believe that god is a dead beat dad (if he exists at all).  He's not around.  We are basically left to our own devices.  I cannot kneel before a deity and beg him to do what is right and just.
Another thing you hear frequently is "god has a plan." Nobody knows that plan...it is a top secret plan but it involves children being born into poverty, abuse, and neglect.  One thing that incites people is learning that someone is fucking with a kid yet it happens over in over again and god seems to just turns the other way. God allows these things to happen all day, everyday and no one bats an eye.  This is not a god whom I want to have a relationship.  If he were a human standing before us, we'd all want him locked up but because he is a "deity" his behavior is justified and overlooked. Stop making excuses for him!

I know many will take offense to these statements but please understand. I have no desire to pass judgement on anyone. If your faith makes you feel complete by all means carry on. I am simply stating the things that I have trouble comprehending when it comes to deities. Unfortunately, my upbringing is influenced the most by Christianity. I have only read about other religions to try to understand my own personal path in life. I have yet to find one that feels right for me.
I would like to think that if judgement day ever happens, god would sit down with me, have a beer (or glass of wine), and explain to me all the things my constant questioning of existence failed to allow me to find.
To my friends and loved ones: when my days start to slip from reach, do not pray for me. Sit beside me, hold my hand, stroke my face. Tell me about a memory we shared. Maybe that will be the memory that brings a smile across my lips as I fade away into the nothing.

I Lost My Boarding Pass

My agnostic mind, although relieved the rapture did not transpire, was intrigued to say the least of the miniscule possibility of people “disappearing”.  Last night, I laid awake thinking about how awful it would be since my husband was on the other side of the planet. How would he get to us?


To say I have an over-active imagination would be an understatement. My mind journeyed through scenario after scenario. I’m the queen of the “what ifs”. Sometimes I wonder why I haven’t locked myself in a closet somewhere.


I called my mother and basically said, “Look. Although I think this is a crock of shit, I wanted to tell you good-bye… just in case I’m wrong.” As an agnostic, I do not claim to know what others are sure about.

As I said, I laid in bed thinking about how things would play out. I thought about if this god decided to take his flock and leave behind the rest of us how angry I would be if he didn’t take my children. What an asshole that would make him to punish the innocent because of my choices and beliefs…or lack thereof.

Also, I wondered what would happen to society. Would we crumble? Obviously something as major as the rapture would change life as we know it. That’s a no brainer but would civilization itself fail to exist? Would we live in a state of post “apocalyptica”…all because some “sheep” disappeared?

Then…of course…my brain turned to zombies. Shocking, right? Me? Zombies?

I thought about if just the souls of the “sheep” were raptured what exactly would be left behind? Lifeless bodies? Rotting corpses? Would these “souls” merely be the thing that makes us human in the first place? Would the rapture of these souls leave behind the living dead, violent…without any remorse? After all if those of us left behind are to be punished and tormented until the grand finale of existence than that would sure be how I’d fuck with folks if I was this god people are so set on selling their souls to.

That’s another thing…the concept of being “left behind” is ludicrous to me. Why would a god after mercilessly torturing his strayed flock allow them to still “accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior” to avoid eternal damnation? Does that sound stupid to anyone else? I mean, holy fuck! Who in their right mind would choose NOT to believe at that point?????? So, in other words…regardless of how you live this life post rapture you still get to go to heaven. You may just need to deal with a few minor setbacks like some plagues and shit.

Now some people are demanding a public apology from a one Harold Camping who started this rapture nonsense. I guess I’d feel the same way if I shared similar beliefs.  If I was a believer…especially if I was one of his followers I’d be pissed. Some people took this nonsense as gospel. As with anything, you’ve got your coo coo banana heads that take a small slice of crazy pie and turn it into a whole freaking bakery like this loco broad.



I leave you with this. It seems appropriate.



And if you would be so kind as to show me a little love that would be superb.

Fantastic Friday Five #11

It’s Friday! Friday! And just so we are clear, Saturday, Saturday is tomorrow and Sunday comes after. Days of the week provided to you by Rebecca Black. “We so excited!” Here’s another Fantastic Friday Five to celebrate this glorious day.

1.) It is official! Both kids are registered for their choice of summer camp. The girl will be attending Girl Scout camp for a week and the boy will be off to NASA’s Space Camp. He’s wanted to go ever since we visited back in October when we took the infamous bus excursion.

2.) Today I attended an assembly at the children’s school. The school earned the Great Expectations Model School Award. I found out that not only are they one of 70 schools in the nation that received this award but this is also the fifth year in a row that they have been presented with it. Oklahoma state representative, Ann Coody, attended to congratulate the students, teachers, and staff.

Hooray for educational funding!!

3.) I got a text this morning from my husband letting me know he is thinking about quitting his job and coming back home. Apparently, they think he’s Superman. I had to remind him that he is.

What seems to be happening is that in his awesomeness, he has showed his higher ups that he is capable of doing the job of three people. So, as most companies would have it they would love for you to do the work of three and be paid for one. He said at every other FOB there are three guys doing what he’s doing. I’m feeling mixed about the thought of him coming home so soon. On one hand I want him to be happy and I’d love for him to be home with us again. On the other hand though, the thought of him coming back to no job scares the hell out of me. I’ve been so focused on paying off debt that I haven’t set anything aside. We do have his 401K to fall back on but it will only last a few months at the most. Deeeeeep breaths…or Xanax…maybe both.

4.) I discovered this week that I SUCK at making meatloaf. Every single time I attempt it I fuck it up. Awhile back when I made it, the meat was still raw in the inside. Yuck! This time I added either too much liquid or not enough bread crumbs and it came out looking like something you’d dump out of a dog food can…just with chopped bell peppers in it.   I tried to fool my kids into thinking it was something good by pairing it with loaded baked potatoes and seasoned broccoli but there was no fooling them.

I suppose we are all entitled to a screw up from time to time. It’s just that cooking is a necessary hobby and I pride myself on getting it right. For things I don’t suck at making, look here.

5.) Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Why, it’s another Jehovah’s Witness at my door to give me this.

Apparently, these people have the answers to our most pressing question AND it’s free. Oh happy day! I wonder if it is BYOB or if there is an open bar. Can anyone explain to me what the picto-diagram of the statue on the reverse side even means?

Or do I need to attend the super FREE convention to find out the mystery??

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mamas out there reading.

To you menfolk, please don’t forget to wish the mamas in your life a super mother’s day as well. Remember it’s the thought that counts…that is, unless your wife is an evil bitch. In that case, you better either file for divorce or buy her something shiny. Depending on the extent of her evilness, a blood sacrifice may be in order as well. I hope you can find a virgin.

I'm About To Lose My Mind...Up In Here!

This school year is going to freaking kill me!


I spoke to my son’s teacher, Mrs. T, today.  I am very glad I had the weekend to simmer down. I was able to speak very calmly to her about the whole ADD issue from Friday.

After speaking to her, I feel she is genuinely concerned about my son. She said she doesn’t want to treat him like he’s lazy if he really does have something wrong with him.

Her side of the story (wait to you see how unlike the boy’s it is)…

She said around dismissal on Friday she noticed that he did not complete grading his paper that they went over in class. She pulled him to the side to ask why. She said he looked confused and she felt that he really had zoned out during the review time. She also said he does this a lot. He’ll go off to la-la land and stare off into the distance. She said she has also seen him doodling numerous times.

My take on this is simply he is bored. When I’m doing something I don’t want to do or something that is boring my mind drifts too. It’s all I can do not to impale myself on the nearest sharp object. I also think that another factor is he has a tendency to be lazy as all hell when he doesn’t want to do something.

I don’t see how a kid that can play video games for hours or take a 12 hour car ride or sit through a movie or even sit quietly and read a book can have ADD. I just can’t! Of course, I’m no expert either.

Mrs. T also told me that when she spoke to the boy she asked him if he was or ever was on medication. He told her yes but I don’t know if he really understood her. He’s never been on any type of medication that treated mental or behavioral issues. All he’s ever taken (other than over the counter stuff) is allergy meds. When I told her this she kind of hesitated. I think she had thought she had hit the nail on the head with her theory.

After I got off the phone with her, I decided there was only one way to solve this. I called the pediatrician to find out if patients are automatically tested for things like ADD or if it something that has to be requested. I figured if it’s automatic they could check the charts for me. Wouldn’t you know it? Nothing is that simple.

I was told that I needed to contact the school counselor to request a Vanderbilt Assessment. Apparently, this assessment has a part I fill out, a part the teacher fills out, and then we see the pediatrician so he can evaluate. I figure, we do this and one of us has to be right. If I’m right, he’s bored and sometimes lazy. If Mrs. T is right, he has a problem that is beyond his control without the proper treatment. Either way, something needs to change for him because the route he’s going is going to lead him straight back to the fifth grade.

For the record, I do NOT believe in pumping my children up with medication for the hell of it. I will try whatever other forms of therapy are available and use the zombie meds as the absolute LAST resort. I think if he can learn how to cope with it and we can understand it better we will know how to help him along, so he can help himself.

Can someone say stress????

Another fun moment today was after school. My daughter came through the door all by herself. I asked where her brother was. She informed me that she waited for him for “like a half an hour”. I made it clear that it was impossible since school only dismissed ten minutes ago. She has no concept of time (or money but that is a whole other story).

At this point, I knew my son would be panicking when he couldn’t find her. So, I grabbed my shoes and headed over to the school. I needed to find him so he knew she was safe. I tell you, they fight like cats and dogs but they look out for one another.

As I got about halfway to school I saw my son coming down the street with my daughter’s teacher, Mrs. Pony (that’s not really her name but it fits her). My son was smart enough to let Mrs. Pony know when he couldn’t find her.

My daughter said she figured since her brother was sick yesterday, she assumed he had gotten checked out when she didn’t see him right away at dismissal. I told her if ever I check either of them out, I will always have the office notify the other one. Also, I told her she is NEVER to walk home alone. I told her I would come up to school to get her. She’s seven and she’s cute and I can’t help but fear the perverts of this world. Better safe than sorry. Too bad I can’t find a fairy godmother to do the whole Sleeping Beauty spell on her. Damn fairytales!

Whew! I’m glad today is over. I need to catch up on some cleaning tomorrow. I’ve been listing so much crap on eBay I’ve neglected a few chores. I’ve got to get back on track.