Butterflies in My Stomach

I have a feeling sleep will not be an option tonight. I am so anxious! The butterflies in my stomach have butterflies. Around 6 this evening I got a text from my husband letting me know that he was waiting to leave Dubai to head to London. His flight in Dubai was delayed but he said he should still make the connecting flight in London to Dallas. I REALLY hope so!! Once he gets to Dallas, he will have just one more connecting flight to get him home to me.


The scavenger hunt is still a go. I’m going to try to video tape it because family and friends want to see the kids’ faces when they see their dad. I will have to see if the camera holds a charge long enough for me to accomplish that. I can always use my phone as back up for pictures and video. I’m just not sure how well all that works…or HOW it works for that matter. I’m still learning.

Unfortunately, I need to go camera shopping. I brought the camera into the battery store to have the battery checked because it didn’t seem to be holding a charge. Of course, the battery needed to be replaced but also found out that the actual port where you plug in the charger is loose and that is also causing the camera not to charge properly. The new battery would run me $40 and the external charger (where you actually place the battery itself inside to charge) would also cost $40. I ended up passing on that because I can get a brand new camera for a couple hundred. It would be stupid to put out $80 for a camera that is over five years old.

Since I’m wired anyway, I am browsing my blog stats. Some of the things people search for on the internet can be disturbing. What’s more disturbing are the things that occasionally lead them here. This particular post has gotten my blog so many hits with people out there in cyberspace searching things like “big ass butt plug” and “red butt plug sex toy”. Someone out there has even searched for “words containing ‘-tastic’”. Apparently, people out there are also very interested in meth and that leads them here as well. I assume it was this post that lures them in.

Also, the universe hates a lot of people because many folks are searching for “the universe hates me” and since the universe hates me most of all, they find themselves here.  My contribution to Time Travel Month also came up in the search results for some.  I'm sure it's because I used the line "This is heavy, Doc." as my title.  “Streaming dad and daughter love” got someone here. I’m not sure WHY or what post reeled them in but I’m sure I don’t want to know what they were really looking for but I can assume they were disappointed.

The topic that seems to bring people here the most lately is this post. People want to know about Lancey Ray’s trial. I know I do. I have searched for information myself and have seen my blog show up in the search results. I’m ready for that man to be buried under the jail.

He’s a monster and his wife should be sentenced right along with him for not only not protecting her child but also participating in the beatings that eventually got so out of hand they took the life of a young boy who my son describes as funny and smart.

I guess I can also share this with anyone who finds themselves here because they are searching for information about Lancey Ray. In my latest search I did find that Lancey Ray is actually the adult son of a school superintendent in Social Circle, Georgia. You can read the article here. I will keep updating as I find more.

One last thing before I go...my daughter has sold 575 boxes of cookies. Just 25 more until she reaches her goal.

Now I am going to end it here. As I said before, don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me for a while. My honey will be home and I plan on being VERY busy.

That's Freaking Ass-Tastic!

The best things in life are free, right? Sometimes…and sometimes those FREE things are down right terrifying.


Recently, a talented (and loveably awkward and inappropriate) lady named Tricia that I follow on Blogger had a giveaway on her blog. She asked her readers to leave a comment and later she would draw a name at random from the folks that commented. I NEVER win anything so even though the sheer sight of the item she was raffling made me clinch my butt cheeks together; I proceeded to leave a comment joking that if I won she should mail the prize to my mom. (My poor mom…) I know you are probably wondering what sort of prize was being raffled. Well, friends, some things are better said in pictures…


Big Red

Did your ass muscles tighten? I bet you sobbed a little, huh?


I'm a loser, baby.

 Due to my typical misfortune, I was not the lucky winner of the gigantic butt plug. I was actually a tad disappointed. Trust me… it wasn’t because I wanted to USE it. The storyteller in me was dying to blog about the ridiculousness of it. So, yeah, I was a little sad.

the REAL gigantic butt plug...Tricia's biggest fan

A few days or so later, Tricia made a blog post about some of her more creepy readers. Apparently, when she checked her stats she found that someone out there in cyber space had located her blog by entering the words “gigantic butt plug” in their search engine which she found amusing and decided to share with the rest of the class. Of course, yours truly had to leave a comment claiming responsibility, joking that I was so very distraught that I wasn’t the lucky winner that I frantically searched the World Wide Web for a butt plug equally as scary as Big Red.

Officially, dear ol’ Tricia was so amused by my comment I became the runner-up to take the throne should the REAL winner fail to do his proper duties as Miss America, err...I mean, Captain Anal Fixation. As fate would have it, the winner came to his senses and gracefully declined the offer leaving me the conquering hero in the fight for the scary ass toy.

Fortunately for me I follow Tricia’s blog because the bitch never sent me fair warning, she just blogged about it. I suppose she was afraid I’d chicken out like her last winner; instead I just clinched tight and winced.

When my “gift” arrived, my children wrestled with the package arguing over who would open it. Since we were expecting some books from eBay to arrive, I didn’t think too much of it until my son says, “Mom? Who’s Tricia Lor-uh-something?” I nearly choked on the soda I was drinking and hurdled the sofa like a gazelle just in time to commandeer the USPS Flat Rate box out of my children’s clutches and tossed the box onto my bed to open later behind closed doors out of the view of the prying eyes of my offspring.

Later after the kids went off to the Land of Nod, I opened the package. Once again, the sight of the thing made my ass muscles seize up. Then there was the note… Tricia being the silly chick that she is wrote, “I decided it needs to go to a loving home where it will be properly worshipped as it ought to be. I can tell that you will treat it with the proper respect and admiration.” This made me think of religious dogma.

I KNOW what you are thinking! How in the hell did the delivery of a butt plug bring my brain to the topic of religion?? Tricia’s mere mention of the word “worship” sent my brain into a tailspin. Instead of being god-fearing I, on the other hand, am completely butt-plug fearing. There are people that create elaborate altars to show reverence to their gods in hopes to share eternity with them in the afterlife. I, alternatively, shall build a shrine in effort to keep the gigantic jelly toy far away from my derriere. I can’t wait to explain the mini edifice buried in my closet to my husband.

Like I said before I never win anything but I guess I need to rephrase that now. I guess I don’t win anything useful…at least to me. So in conclusion as my luck would have it, the first time EVER I win any sort of raffle it is literally something to shove up my ass. Have I mentioned before that the universe hates me? Thanks, Tricia. Sorry, Mom.