Somebody Is About To Get Smited!

If this isn’t your first visit to my blog, you know I have no problem sharing information about myself. To be honest, I rather enjoy it. Maybe I’m a borderline narcissist or maybe I’m just true to my Leo nature. Either way this post is brought to you today because someone out there wants to feed my ego.

Thanks to Debbie at No Filter Mom for giving me another opportunity to gloat endlessly about how awesome I am be honored with the Versatile Blogger Award.

Now like most awards, this one comes with a set of rules that I am required by law to follow or else the blog gods will smite me. I’ve never been smited but it doesn’t sound pleasant. I imagine the blog gods to sit in front of a computer screen similar to Dr. Claw, the bad guy from the old Inspector Gadget cartoons.

Piss them off and they press their big red “smite” buttons like this one.

Here are the blog commandments of the Versatile Blogger award.



1.) Thank the person who gave you the award. (Done! See above.)

2.) Share 7 things about yourself. (Three cheers for narcissism!)

3.) Pass the award on to 10 unsuspecting victims other versatile bloggers and mock them let them know you did.

Here's some stuff about me.  I know you can't wait.  That's why you are here.
1.) My most favorite soda is Diet Dr. Pepper. It is by far the best tasting diet soda there is on the market in my opinion and my opinion is all that matters (to me anyway).

2.) I like the Counting Crows very much. I have all of their albums. Adam Duritz is an amazing poet.

Goofy looking? Yes but extremely talented. I have a thing for poetry. Just ask my husband. He got me hook, line, and sinker!

3.) I love that my children are in scouting. I had some of my best childhood memories while in girl Scouts and I enjoy sharing my stories with my kids.


little ol' me...got to love that sofa behind me

I hope that they will have fond memories as well. By the way, the official cookie count as of today is 459. She’s almost to her goal of 600 boxes. (Technically, this one is only sort of about me.)


4.) I have zero talent (or patience) when it comes to making things. I’m so envious of people who can do things like make jewelry or scrapbook or draw. My “creations” look like a kindergartener made it. Besides, people don’t appreciate painted noodles glued to paper like they used to. Martha Stewart I am not.

5.) My boy child is a lot like me. He’s creative, silly and sometimes caring to a fault. He likes to read and when he talks about something that excites him his eyes light up. He has so much enthusiasm you can’t help but get sucked into his story. (I guess this one is isn’t really about me either. But, you will take what I give you and you will like it!)

6.) I still play the Sims from time to time. How old am I??? I enjoy watching my husband play games like Elder Scrolls on the Xbox but I lack the hand coordination to operate the controller. The Wii is more my speed and even that is pushing it.

7.) I don’t like making lists that end in an odd number. It bugs me.

Finally, I am supposed to pass this along to 10 more people. Well, that’s not going to happen. I know…smite me, oh mighty smiter!

There have been many awards going around lately and I know many of the people I follow have already received this award. So for the sake of not duplicating, I will give it to 2 bloggers and I have decided to pull a Doug and get cheesy with it. So here is the award I’ll be giving out.

It’s the Quintessential Versatile Blogger Award. I would like to give this award to Alysha at Supermom and Rancher Mom at The Taylor Family Ranch. Enjoy, ladies.

On a closing note, the time for my husband’s leave is coming up fast. So if you don’t hear from me in a few weeks, I’ve haven’t really been smited. I’m probably just busy doing…things…yes, that's it…things.

Fantastic Friday Five #5

TGIF!! I didn’t think I’d make it. Wednesday at bedtime I told my son not to worry because tomorrow was Friday. He asked if I was drunk. Then he told me that the following day was in fact Thursday just like every other week for as long as he can remember.

Ah, sarcasm! I was tempted to make up an elaborate story about how “back when I was a kid” there were no Thursdays and Fridays always followed Wednesdays. I suppose I could have come up with something blaming the evil Thursday on the communists or religious fanatics or even super liberals for that matter. I guess I could have just blamed science. I mean after all if they can just come to the conclusion that Pluto is no longer a planet, I’m sure they can also come up with a reason to add another day to the week, right?

Anyway…drum roll, please.

FANTASTIC! FRIDAY! FIVE! live from my house straight to your computer screen for your reading/viewing pleasure. I do it because I care….I care a lot…like a care bear only not as fuzzy because I recently shaved. I suppose my official care bear name would be something like Sleep Deprived Bear or Sips A Lot Bear or maybe even Still In Pajamas Bear. Any of those would work.

Now for this week’s list:

1.) I am another week closer to seeing my husband and there is a song stuck on me head. I’m not sure what the name of it us but is goes something like “bow chicka wawa”.

2.) I went to a meeting yesterday at the kids’ school about my son. Hopefully, this will be the last. The results of all the tests they have been doing came out. The boy is NOT ADD or ADHD. So now they can shut their faces and realize he is just your typical bored 10 year old boy. They need to stop trying to turn our kids into robotic zombies and embrace their creativity and imagination. Also, he scored average in basically everything except Reading and Language. According to the tests, he is reading on an eighth grade level and has a seventh graders vocabulary. That is he knows how to read and use in a sentence all of the known curse words. Mama is proud.

3.) So much for the nice spring-like weather. It’s back in the thirties. I told you guys before we needed to get a handle on Al Gore and all his global warming voodoo. Ok. Who’s sneaking food down to the basement? Confess!

4.) My little girl scout has sold 250 boxes so far. If the government relied on the girl scouts to save the economy, we’d be in much better hands.

5.) Good news! I made a shiny new friend this past week that has yet to ask me what church I go to and if I’d like to go to her church. Here on the Bible Belt that is a BIG DEAL. Insert spastic white girl dancing here.

Before I forget, I want to thank Debbie at No Filter Mom for giving me the Versatile Blogger award. With that being said, you guys can all be prepared for yet another narcissistic post about yours truly and you can brace yourselves for me passing along the blog world’s version of a STD. You’re welcome.

I Got A Golden Ticket!

I got a golden ticket. Well, it’s actually more silvery but it’s metallic and sparkly all the same. Bryan over at Nuclear Headache has deemed me worthy of head trauma this award. Thanks, Mr. White. I hope I make you proud.

Now for the rules…I hate rules.

1. Link back to the jerk that gave you the award. (Karma is a bitch, Bryan. I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little blog too. Wow!  I'm corny.)

2. Share eight things about myself. (There were seven but odd numbers make me uncomfortable. I guess I’m a snob like that...or a nut.  You make the choice.  Oh, well. Either way...BONUS!)

3. Punish ten other bloggers I'm currently following. (I’m bringing you all down with me!)

4. Let them know that you have passed this curse on to them. (And don’t pretend that I haven’t just left you a comment on your blog telling you, bitches!)


Ok. On with the show…

1.) I have been married almost 12 years (end of May). Yes, that’s right. There is a man out there that can put up with my unique form of craziness…deploying to the Middle East every so often also helps.

2.) Although I am generally anti-religion, I have read the Bible from cover to cover about 3 times in my life by my own choosing. As an old piece of literature, I find it interesting. I have read the New International Version (NIV), the King James Version, and the American Standard Version. I wish I knew Hebrew and Aramaic so I could read non-translated versions. I own many books on world religions and I am very interested in reading more. Humanity's need for faith is what intrigues me.

3.) When I go to sleep at night the bedroom, the bathroom, and closet doors all must be closed or I can’t fall asleep. I think it is a childhood habit I’ve never been able to shake.  Maybe there are owls in there.

4.) When I was in high school, I was president of the drama club and I played Alice in Alice in Wonderland.

5.) I have never been outside of the United States. It is a sad, sad life that I lead. However, before I see other countries I want to see more of my own country.

6.) I love camping and I wish I could do it more.

7.) I was Girl Scout for six years as a child and I am tickled that my daughter has continued the tradition.

8.) I read A LOT of zombie books and I watch A LOT of zombie movies. I am not ashamed!

Now I’m supposed to pass this on to 10 other bloggers that I keep up with. HA, HA! Suckers!

Debbie @ No Filter Mom
She’s a trip and she likes lists so this is right up her non-filtered alley.

Tiffany @ Shhhh! Just Between U & Me
This will be a fun welcome back award for when she gets back on the blogging boat.

Mother Theresa @ The Rain in Spain...
My only rule is she can’t give it to Erik…because Erik gets everything! (Just kidding, MT!)

Smart Ass Sara @ Welcome to Sara's Organized Chaos
She always comes up the craziest shit. I look forward to reading her list.

Jewell @ Really?! Wait! What?
She’s my shiny new friend and that makes her eligible for a kick ass award from me.

Kamilla @ Basket of Dreams
She’s silly and I enjoy following her American adventures. I wish I knew Tagalog so I could read her Philippine blog.

Tanya @ A Taste of T
Thought Bubble Thursdays are enough to earn her this shiny award.

Jacky @ Life And My Craft
This girl has got skills with that camera. I enjoy looking at all her shots.

Doris @ Sprinkles of My Life
She was always fun, going way back. I enjoy keeping up with her “sprinkles” in Italy.

Cat @ Zipbag of Bones
She’s hysterical and I don’t remember where the hell I found her but I’m glad I did.

Now apparently, I must be a closet feminist considering I just dished this bad boy out to 10 women. Oh well. I look forward to reading all of your blogs when you guys finally brag post about your super spectacular award.

Oh and by the way…happy freaking Valentine’s Day. If you are getting laid tonight, I fucking hate you. That is all.

And The Award Goes To...

Now is the time for more awards. I have a few to dish out today. I know you guys look forward to this. The first award is the Life is Good award that Kamilla over at Basket of Dreams has given me to me. Of course, I have to share it with some other folks but that’s ok. I’m not selfish.

In receiving this award I have to:

1.) Thank and put a link back to the person who so kindly gave this award.
2.) Share a few things about yourself.
3.) Pass the award onto some other bloggers you deem deserving.
4.) Inform these said bloggers that they have received the award.

I hate rules and out of respect for Kamilla I will follow them but to the recipients of this award I relinquish you from all of the above rules. If you want to pass it on, great! If you want to forget I ever gave it to you, that is fine too. Well, let’s get to it. Shall we?

1.) I love to throw maraschino cherries into my mixed drinks so that when I’ve had enough to drink I can munch liquor soaked cherries.

2.) I loathe laundry and it seems like a never ending process.

3.) I am very close to paying the truck off so suck it, Chrysler Financial!

4.) My favorite thing to do is read.

5.) Floral scented candles and lotions make my nose itch something fierce.

6.) I’m a total pussy at the dentist. I still require nitrous to keep myself from having a panic attack as sharp objects come towards my face.

7.) I love cheesy zombie movies…the cheesier the better.

8.) I am so over all this snow.

9.) I’ve been a nail biter for as long as I can remember.

10.) I enjoy cooking very much and I’m usually good at it except when almond milk is involved.

Now I bestow the Life is Good award on the following four people…

Tanya at A Taste of T


She's rocking her baby belly and is extremely clever. I think I’ll keep reading.

Canela at From My Home And Heart


I’ve known her since high school and she’s always been quick witted and fun to be around.



Debbie at No Filter Mom



She’s proof that 40 is the new 30 and she’s really good about keeping me up to date on various blog hops.

Nic at Life Reassembled


She’s coming down with the flu and could use some cheering up (and Nyquil).

 Now on to the awards I know you knuckleheads have been looking forward to all week. I’ve got three this time.

The first one goes to Mother Teresa (or MT as I tend to refer to her) at The Rain In Spain... Each Friday she photographs something in her home EXTREMELY close up and asks her readers to guess what it is. Each week I rack my brain to try to figure out what the hell it is. So to MT, I’d like to give the Photo Capture Award.

Next, I’d like to give an award to the one and only Atypical Scott at Atypical Read (not to be confused with Bryan because that would be silly). He keeps me thinking and has a tendency to make me feel slightly stupid. So let me put on my dunce cap so I can give Scotty boy his award.

Last but certainly not least is my new buddy, Jewell at Really?! Wait! What? She’s a fun one and finds some of the craziest headlines.

So there you have it, this week’s awards. Be sure to check out these folks because I like them and you may as well. Stayed tuned tomorrow for another Fantastic Friday Five.

Fantastic Friday Five #2

Another Friday arrives and with it brings the second installment of Fantastic Friday Five. Like I said last week, this is basically my lazy post of random filler that doesn’t seem to fit into a post on its own. Also, I feel like I owe it to myself to do something outright corny from time to time. So, without further ado, here is Fantastic Friday Five for your reading pleasure.


1.) My children have been home since Tuesday thanks to a lovely winter storm. Being a southern girl at heart, Oklahoma is the furthest north I’ve ever lived and it almost isn’t even Oklahoma. Seriously if I drive about forty minutes, I’ll cross the Texas border. When it snows in the south everything shuts down…EVERYTHING! Even though we barely have a half of foot of snow, I’m a New Orleans girl and have NO BUSINESS driving in the snow.
                                                       
                                       
Not to mention somewhere Al Gore is dancing a jig and screaming “Suck it, bitches!” Cross your fingers, my friends, that Mr. Gore stays out of the mad scientist laboratory in his basement and my children return to school on Monday.

2.) Oh, Netflix, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Since my husband has been gone, I have gotten myself into the habit of going to sleep while streaming movies and television shows on my laptop. I’ve watched all six seasons of The Kids in the Hall already. Currently, I am venturing through the third season of Reno 911.

3.) I made ruined some Salisbury steak this week. As I said previously, I have no business driving in the snow so when we ran out of milk I improvised (and not in that clever way the folks on Who’s Line Is It Anyway do). Normally, I would use evaporated milk in place of regular milk but guess what; we were out of that too. So, instead, I decided to use almond milk. Well, word from the wise (err, experienced) apparently when you heat up almond milk it gets a bitter citrus taste that will devastate your gravy unless you were going for the whole rotten lemon lime beefy taste. It was no surprise when the kids turned their noses up at it but when the canine garbage disposal turned his nose up at beef smothered in gravy you KNOW that shit was rank.

4.) Two words…Blog Hop. I’ve been linking up to a few of these in hopes to find blogs to read and I’m amazed by the amount of blogs out there that are dedicated to free samples and reviewing stuff. I’m convinced that most people only link up for followers as I’ve gotten many comments basically saying things to the effect of “Hey, I’m following you. Please follow me.”  *rolls eyes*

5.) Lastly, Tiffany over at Shhhhh! Just Between U & Me thinks I’m sexy and she gave me an award to prove it. Of course, I have to share my crown with four other ladies. When you get a moment, take a swing over and tell Tiff “Hi”. She’s pretty hot herself.

Well, friends, that about wraps it up for this installment of Fantastic Friday Five. More posts by yours truly coming soon.

A Blog By Any Other Name

Ok.  This will be brief and it's mainly for my followers out there so they are aware of what's going on.  In case, you haven't noticed I changed the title of my blog.  I did it for a few reasons.  The first being apparently I'm not the only one out their in cyber space that has a the EXACT same title.  Of course, my blog is better but I don't want anyone to be confused.  The second is lately anytime I shamelessly plug myself anywhere be it on a blog hop or a blog sharing site, I've used the phrase "Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom" to give a description of the madness that ensues on your computer screen when you swing on by.  My Life. My Words is officially now Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom.  Please me make a mental note of it so you don't mistakenly unfollow me.

Also I wanted to dish out a couple of kick ass blog awards to a few folks.  So I may as well take care of that today too.

First off, Kamilla at Basket of Dreams is such a kind person.  She's one of those people that never seem to have anything negative to say about anyone.  So for being so sweet you give me a toothache, I present to you, Kamilla the following award.

The next award goes to Tricia at Confessions of a Recovering Cynic for still being awesome even though she isn't pissed off and gripy like an onery old man anymore since she is getting laid.  So congratulations to Tricia mostly for being able to save money on batteries.  Here's your award:

Another award must go to Jill over at In Bed With Married Women.  Jill's stories of sexual discoveries always humor me whether it's posts about sex robots or mammoth dildos.  So, dear Jill, here is an award for you.



This next award is for an old friend that always has a tendency to leave me hungry after I check out her blog.  Of course, her blog isn't all about food but that fiesty latina sure knows how to cook!  So this blog award is for Doris over at Sprinkles of My Life.

The last award I want to dish out is for Bryan over at nuclearheadache who's blog recently turned 50...fifty posts that is.  I enjoy th variety of topics he blogs about every couple of days.  Sometimes he has me spitting soda onto my computer.  Other times he causes me to down a bottle of rum and pop a handful of vicodin to make my brain stop throbbing while he continues his quest to understand relativity.  So here it is without further ado, Bryan'a award.

So that's it for now guys.  Don't worry though.  Like I said in the previous post I have a few things I'm brainstorming now.  Keep your eyeballs open and be sure to visit the blogs I mentioned since, you know, I declared them cool and all.

The Very First Fantastic Friday Five

It’s time for an update for all of you out there that actually give a shit. I’ve decided Friday is always a good day for that aka a good day for some filler. So here it is my Fantastic Friday Five for your reading pleasure. Enjoy…or not.

1.) We are officially no longer indebted to the U.S. treasury. The husband does not have a default army re-enlistment bonus hovering in his credit report. Happy dance! Now I can start paying off the truck.

2.) The first born is improving in school. It’s about damn time too! He’s driving me crazy being punished. I don’t know who suffers more, me or him. Progress reports will be coming home next week. According to his teacher he has an A in English and Science and a C in Math, Reading, and Social Studies.

If he keeps this up, I’ll have to fork out the retarded amount of money as promised for Space Camp. He needs to finish the school year with an A in Science and at least a B in everything else.

3.) My fat ass is trying to get in shape. I’ve taken on Atkins again…only because it allows me to see results from the start. Results keep me focused and I normally lack focus. I also am in the routine of doing the Wii Fit each day and walking on the treadmill. I am kicking ass (basically my own) on the Wii Fit. I am the queen of the hula hoops.

My husband said, “Well, you did always know how to work your hips.” To which I responded, “When you got an ass this big, you kind of have no choice!”

4.) My husband gave me an early Valentine’s Day gift. It’s a pearl ring to go with my other pearl jewelry. It’s fantastic!

5.) Lastly, Doug over at I Like Cheese has decided that my blog does not suck and has given me an award to prove it. Be sure to pay him a visit and make sure you let him know that you don’t think I suck either.

Well, friends, that about wraps it up for this first installment of my Fantastic Friday Five. Feel free to do your own. I’m not stingy. You don’t even have to link back to me.

Stay tuned for zombie dreams, death, phone harassment, and adventures in scouting all coming soon.

Fair Is Fair

This should be short and sweet, at least compared to my normal ramblings. First off, I think you should know that this is out of form of my normal blogging but I’d probably be a total asshole if I didn’t do this because after all “Fair is fair!”




My biggest fan (apparently), Kamilla @ Basket of Dreams, recently bestowed two different blog awards to me.  Now, I’m new to the Blogger world with the exception that I used to blog frequently on Myspace. It has come to my attention that these blog awards are supposed to be dealt out and shared with at least five more people after you receive one. Remember in a recent Nigerian Poll, I’m stupid…and possibly slow. So without further ado, I’d like to announce the winners as nominated by the academy (aka me).

The first award…the One Lovely Blog Award goes to the following…

Drum roll, please…

Doris @ Sprinkles of My Life

Autumn @ Ramblings of a Frantic Mother

Amanda @ Seriously.

Lisa @ Smacksy

Canilla @ From My Home and Heart

These ladies keep me entertained with their tales of motherhood/womanhood and life as they know it.

The last but certainly not least award is the prestigious Gold Framed Dog Blog Award. When dear Kamila bestowed this award on me, I merely received it through association. She awarded it to her friends/followers with awesome doggies. Since I have Super Deuce, who by the way is a lover not a fighter, being his owner made me a winner. I secretly think she took pity on me for THE butt plug being the only thing I’ve ever won.

The winners of the Gold Framed Dog Blog Award are in no particular order…

Yet another drum roll please…

Doug @ I Like Cheese

Tricia @ Confessions of a Recovering Cynic

Jill @ In Bed with Married Women

Kristine @ Wait in the Van

The talented and hilarious writers @ The Cat Lady Gazette

These guys keep me laughing. To keep in form with Kamilla’s animal theme, I decided that the reason these folks deserved this illustrious blog award is simply because they keep me entertained like the animals at a circus…more specifically like the dancing elephants in tutus and bears on roller skates…but entertained none the less.

Please give ALL my winners a round of applause and be sure to visit their blogs. If you happen to leave a comment or two be sure to let them know how you found out about their awesomeness.

Also, I would love to be able to throw an award Kamilla’s way so if any of you deem me worthy of an award I would love to have the opportunity to pass it along to her as well.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…