An Agnostic Episode

Almost daily you will hear people around you pray for some sort of healing. "My dad is sick...my baby is sick...etc." I don't understand how a god that can heal you allowed you to get sick in the first place.
Recently, my mother and I conversed about this topic and she brought up the idea of freewill.  I explained to her that it is beyond my scope of understanding how god, a "father", would allow his child to be ill in the first place when he has the power to cure the sickness. I went a step further and said that the children that are in homes sustaining abuse do not have the freewill to stop the horrors that take place within their walls.  To them it is normal, it is life.
I'm sure someone will think me horrible for saying these things, but hey, that has never stopped me before...
I believe that god is a dead beat dad (if he exists at all).  He's not around.  We are basically left to our own devices.  I cannot kneel before a deity and beg him to do what is right and just.
Another thing you hear frequently is "god has a plan." Nobody knows that plan...it is a top secret plan but it involves children being born into poverty, abuse, and neglect.  One thing that incites people is learning that someone is fucking with a kid yet it happens over in over again and god seems to just turns the other way. God allows these things to happen all day, everyday and no one bats an eye.  This is not a god whom I want to have a relationship.  If he were a human standing before us, we'd all want him locked up but because he is a "deity" his behavior is justified and overlooked. Stop making excuses for him!

I know many will take offense to these statements but please understand. I have no desire to pass judgement on anyone. If your faith makes you feel complete by all means carry on. I am simply stating the things that I have trouble comprehending when it comes to deities. Unfortunately, my upbringing is influenced the most by Christianity. I have only read about other religions to try to understand my own personal path in life. I have yet to find one that feels right for me.
I would like to think that if judgement day ever happens, god would sit down with me, have a beer (or glass of wine), and explain to me all the things my constant questioning of existence failed to allow me to find.
To my friends and loved ones: when my days start to slip from reach, do not pray for me. Sit beside me, hold my hand, stroke my face. Tell me about a memory we shared. Maybe that will be the memory that brings a smile across my lips as I fade away into the nothing.

Fantastic Friday Five #12

In celebration of a gloriously beautiful Friday, I decided it was time for another Fantastic Friday Five.  So here I am for some wonderful sharing...

1.)  I have learned even in the country, I am not safe from people knocking on my door soliciting their religion.  I've considered putting a sign in the yard that says "Not interested in converting."   I also thought of just blatantly posting a sign stating that an agnostic/atheist lives here but I figured if some local farmer's cow gets found slaughtered in the pasture they'll be knocking on our door first.  Stupid bible belt!

2.)  We have decided on a vacation destination for when my husband returns for this round of leave.  We narrowed it down to Yellowstone, Yosemite, and Grand Canyon and then we let the kids make the final choice.  We are going to visit the Grand Canyon.  I have already made all of the necessary reservations including a smooth water float trip down the Colorado River.
Since my husband and I are planning this all in different time zones, I have devised a power point complete with a time line to keep him up to date.  I'm sure many people think that is anal as all hell but I just like thinks to flow.  When they don't, I get anxious and then I feel like I'm all irritated and ruining everyone's fun.  So you see?  This is all for the best.  You don't want to see me on CNN as the lady who tossed her children AND husband over the side of the canyon, do you?  DO YOU???
My husband, being ex-military and still working with the government, loves that I plan everything out.  He's accustomed to frequent power points.  We always do this for big events and/or adventures...and by "we" I mean "me".  His contribution to this...he wants me to locate "Holiday Road" on i-tunes so we can listen to that along the trip because every family vacation should be jammed to in style just like the Griswold's.  Maybe I should also try to rent the Wagon Queen Family Truckster for that authentic Griswold feel.

I guess we can hope that my husband doesn't end up running around deliriously with pants on his head.

3.)  This school year I have been co-leading my daughter's Girl Scout troop.  I LOVE working with the girls more than I thought I would.  Dealing with the parents?  Not so much.  It seems like no matter how many different ways you put out the information (a paper copy in their hand, a text message, an email, posted to the troop's Facebook page) someone is going to say "Nobody told me about that...I didn't know."  I swear it is enough to beat my head against a wall.
We recently finished cookie sales.  THANK GOODNESS!  Our troop sold 6500 boxes.  My daughter's share of that was 765 boxes and, man, did she hustle. 

4.)  This season of The Walking Dead is over.  That makes me sad.  Season 3 needs to hurry up for two reasons A.) The hooded woman at the end of the season 2 finale is the most bad ass character thus far in the graphic novels.  B.)  The show's creators, clever little bastards that they are, also allowed us a glimpse of the prison in the horizon which can only mean that the introduction of a villain no one will ever forget shouldn't be too far behind.  I already have Volume 16 of the graphic novels preordered.  It is set to release mid June.  That should hold me for about an hour...

5.)  Lately, I've been wondering if I am going to have to use the safe room for it's intended purpose.  We've had some nasty weather the past few days.  Fingers crossed we don't blow away.

Bonus:  For those that have been reading for awhile you know my history with owls.  The mascot for the school my children started this school year is, in fact, an owl.  How ironic is that?
 Enjoy your weekend!  I know I will!

An Award, Eyeballs, and Triple F

First, it seems that in the circle of bloggers in which I’ve grown accustomed to associating myself are now trending our eyes. All thanks to Chanel, of course. So here is my contribution.  Conveniently, since I've got my eyes on all of you I have also received this award times two from both Chanel and Bryan. They recognize my awesome…or at least, they tolerate it.

As always these little suckers come with rules…rules that I intend to twist to conform to my ever changing mood.

Stinking Rules:

1. List three things you would change if you were Overlord.

2. List ten blogs worthy of world domination. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. How about three?

3. Contact them about their new position of power.

As your overlord, I would make the following changes:

1.) First and foremost, I would lock some scientists in an underground laboratory until they invented teleportation. Screw the cost of fuel! I teleport, bitches!

2.) I would also do away with telemarketers. I mean, seriously, with all the junk mail we get in our inboxes and mailboxes do we really need phone calls too? REALLY? I would also execute anyone who sold another person’s contact information.

3.) Lastly, I would lower the salaries of most celebrities, athletes, and politicians. Many of these fools have so much money they don’t even know what to do with it. I mean, how many freaking cars does one person really need? I would take their cut salaries and apply them to people who actually make a difference like teachers, librarians, scientists, charities, etc.

Now the poor bastards that get this powerful award are…drumroll please…


Jewell of Really! Wait. What?

Rancher Mom of Rancher Mom's Realm

Thundercat of Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista

Also since I had company all weekend, I’m REALLY behind on my Fantastic Friday Five. I figured why not just throw it in here with this post.

1.) I’ve been listening to a zombie book on tape while jogging on the treadmill. I’ve come to the conclusion that the worst time to encounter a zombie would be during sex, especially if the person you were screwing was the one turning. As George Carlin would say, “These are the thoughts what keep me from being a productive member of society.”

2.) Finally, it rained in the great state of Oklahoma and I’m happy to say the truck hasn’t leaked. Now I just need to make it to the 2nd when I’ll finally be able to get the ol’ girl fixed.

3.) The kids recently had a photo-shoot. My son wasn’t very interested but my daughter, well, that’s a whole other animal. She thought she was a superstar. Here are a few. Keep in mind some of these are were scanned from the composite sheet so they are a little gritty.

4.) I’m so glad it’s rained. Goodness knows we needed it. My lawn and garden thanks you, Mother Nature. I do have one more request. Can I get a good night time thunderstorm, preferably one with some kick ass lightening and some sweet grumbling?

5.) During my parents’ visit, we went to the mountains and we ended up in the Holy City, home of the longest running passion play. I just want to let everyone know I wasn’t struck by lightning or anything upon stepping foot in the chapel. More details about the visit soon.

‘Til next time, friends.

What Do You See?

A friend of mine, Deanne, mistakenly put this up on her blog.  Apparently, she saves pictures to use later on her blog like most of us.

Deanne's blog is very inspirational.  When I first read her latest post, I had to reread it because I just couldn't for the life of me figure out what a dog's ass had to do with her post.  After looking at it for awhile, I saw the Jesus image.  When I commented on her blog to tell her (and giggle), the poor lady was mortified.  She meant to put up the typical Jesus image, like this:

Soooo...

What did you see??

I originally saw a dog's ass.  She saw Jesus.  Do Christians see Jesus and non-believers see an ass?  That is the debate.  Is it because certain people see Jesus in everything like pancakes, candy bars, chocolate milk, etc?

Please let me know what your thoughts were.  Also, if you don't mind disclosing the information, let me know what your faith is (if any).

I look forward to the responses.



Merry Mayhem

Halloween is the 31st of October and has been traditionally since the dawn of time. Ok. Not really but since the dawn of MY time. This year it fell on a Sunday. However, for some reason the powers that be (i.e. the city I live in) decided that Sunday the 31st was a bad day to go trick or treating and celebrate the awesomeness that is Halloween. No, instead it was bumped up a day early to Saturday the 30th and to top it off it was dictated to us that trick or treating was only allowed between 6 and 8 that evening.

My complaints about this are simple.

First off, I don't think any government city, state, federal, whatever should have ANY hand on how people celebrate a holiday. I bet if they started fucking with Christmas or Easter people would loose their damn minds. Secondly, the time frame in which we were told to trick or treat is ridiculous as well. 6 to 8?!?! It isn't even dark yet at 6. It was after 7 before the sun started to go down. Considering the nature of the holiday, darkness is an important aspect of it since dating back to the Celts bonfires were used to honor the end of summer and beginning of the harvest season.

Part of me cannot help but wonder what hand the local churches had in this. The majority of the churches around here still held their "Treat and then Trick" festivals on the most "EVIL" day of Halloween. They opened them to the public with their jumpies and flat screen TV raffles and offerings of candy and such but it was all a ploy to get you there for the ultimate trick of accepting Jesus as your lord and savior. My kids wanted to go in their costumes. Even though I mostly disagree with the Christian faith, I do have respect for it and I thought it was slightly inappropriate to bring my son and daughter decked out in his Killer Clown from Outerspace costume and her Devil Diva attire. Besides we would have become a target for prayer and the last thing I want to do in a place like that is draw attention to myself or my kids. Needless to say, we played Rockband on Sunday instead.

On Thursday night, the kids and I stuffed goodie bags. The kids choose the candy and trinkets they wanted to put in each one and I was head of the twist tie department.

On Saturday, we baked cookies. I mixed the dough and got it the right consistency. Then I became the overseer of the cookie cutting. We had cutters in the shape of a pumpkin, a witch's head, a half moon, a ghost, a cat, and a bat. I mixed some food coloring and frosting to come up with orange icing. I slathered icing on the cookies after they were all baked and cooled. Then the kids sprinkled the hell out of them.

Afterwards, I readied the children in their costumes and make-up. and then proceeded to doll myself up as well. We spent awhile snapping pictures of each other. Then, I clicked on the porch light (even though it was still daylight outside) and put the plastic cauldron full of goodie bags in front the door with a note taped to it basically saying "Don't be a greedy-ass!" Later we began our trek around the neighborhood in search of treats.

While out and about we came across a white pit bull on the loose. I say "on the loose" but it really was just hanging out in front of what I believe to be its house. It just stood their barking at us...not viciously. It was the sort of bark that said, "Hey! I'm here and I'm watching you. Stay out of my yard or you'll make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry. By the way, I like bacon." It was interesting.

Well, since the city went and broke all the "rules" of Halloween, the residence didn't think they needed to follow them either. How hard is it to turn your freaking porch light off ONE night a year? I know sometimes people run out of candy and forget. Those people are usually apologetic when they answer their door. BUT I hate assholes that not only waste my kids' time but smugly tell them that they don't participate in Halloween with their nose in the air like they are somehow better than us.

Children get all decked out and they only have two hours to rack in as much candy as they can. FYI (people that choose not participate): Don't leave your porch light on only to answer the door and tell my kids that you don't celebrate Halloween. Nobody fucking cares!!  JEEZ!

The asshole award of the night goes to the jerk off that not only left their light on but went the extra mile to write a detailed note about how they don't celebrate Halloween and taped that bad boy to their door. What a creep! Again, turn your light off, JERK! Your electric bill will thank you. Those people are lucky I didn't have a carton of eggs or a roll of toilet paper. That is one mofo that would seriously DESERVE a good TPing. You know I'm right too.

A neighbor down the street called me on Saturday night and asked if I wanted bring the kids and go to her church for their festival. I hate being invited to church. I loathe it. I have absolutely no interest what so ever in going to church...ANY church for ANYTHING. In my opinion churches themselves are useless buildings. When someone invites me to church, I find it easiest to just tell them that I am an atheist. I'm not really an atheist; I consider myself to be more of an agnostic. I'll spare you the details.
Anyway...back to this neighbor...

I declined her invitation and told her I was an atheist. Almost immediately it were as if I had the bubonic plaque. It felt as if she could not get off the phone with me fast enough. I thought, "Great! Now my kids will be prohibited from playing with her children." The next day, she sent me a text message apologizing if she offended me. I was honestly impressed. I have never had anyone apologize after inviting me to church or even a church function. It felt good to know that even though we are both on basically opposite sides of the belief spectrum, she is still respectful of my beliefs. It is an unusual occurrence but it made me respect her more.

Well, that about sums up Halloween 2010. What did you do? Did you get your creep show on? Did you watch any kick ass horror movies? Tell me about it because, let's face it, I'm nosey.

Would Jesus Like To Buy Some Popcorn?

Children are pretty interesting little creatures especially when they are your own. I’ve said before my son aspires to be a comedian and my daughter aspires to be a model as reflected by their day to day actions. Luckily, if those dreams happen to fall through they always have entrepreneurship to fall back on.

Currently, popcorn sales are underway for the Boy Scouts so my son is busting his ass trying to sell some overly-priced snack products. He called my husband’s grandfather and tried to convince him to purchase a $50 tin of chocolate covered crap. He did the same when he called my parents. He managed to get about $20 out of each of them.

My daughter felt the need to exercise her sales pitching skills as well so she got on the phone with my mom to tell her that I was selling stuff on eBay and she should definitely go there and bid on something…especially if it was something of hers. The agreement is whichever of their belongings sell they get to have the money. She loved selling Girl Scout cookies in the past but the thought of being able to keep the money for herself is all the more thrilling to her.

After that lovely conversation, my son asked if we were buying any popcorn. So I told the kids to pick something and braced myself for one or both of them to declare dibs on the $50 diabetic coma in a collector’s can. As I’ve said many times in other blog posts, every so often they do or say things that surprise you. This particular time was one of those times. My children agreed…let me back up here…they AGREED (!?!?!?) on the exorbitant cheese trio. They also asked if we could order a box of spicy microwave popcorn for their daddy’s first care package. How could I say no to their harmony and generosity? I mean, it seems so rare lately. Needless to say, it will cost a retarded $55 for approximately 40 ounces of popcorn.

Later, I took the boy to ask a few of our neighbors if they wanted to order anything to support the Boy Scouts. We ended up at Mrs. Sphere’s house. Mrs. Sphere is a very nice woman, extremely kind and intensely Christian. Anytime you go over there, you are always invited in and offered a glass of iced tea. Each time I go in I get stuck their at least an hour while she talks about her church and her favorite savior, Jesus, even though (or should I say more so since) I told her I was an agnostic on the cusp of atheism. I guess in a way I’m a sort of “project” for her. Boo! Thank goodness my boy had to go to his Boy Scout meeting. First rule of scouting, “Be prepared.” In this case, I knew I needed an exit strategy in place before we went there. Evacuation successful!

It really bugs me that nearly every person I come into contact with around here is nauseatingly nice but so blinded by their faith that they come across as illogical and unreasonable. I can’t deal with that. It burns me that people like Mrs. Sphere, while painfully sweet, feel the need to tell me about how great their god is every time I talk them. You are Christian. I get it, jeez! I’m not. We don’t need to discuss this topic every time we run into each other. Now shut the fuck up...please, ma'am. (You got to respect your elders.)

Here’s a thought. Does anyone else find it interesting that Christians, Mormons, and Jehovah’s Witnesses always seem to try to convert you? Ironically enough, they all think the other is wrong yet they believe in the same god. I’ve never been approached for conversion by a Muslim or a Jew. They must have a much more discriminating recruitment process. Another thought is Christians in particular talk about treating people the way you want to be treated. Well, if you don’t want me to try to alter your convictions than word from the wise, “Back off!!”

I try to teach my children tolerance for all people. Yep, tolerance is the key…that and a heaping helping of avoidance. In my opinion, religion itself is about as useless as expensive popcorn encased in a metal canister.  Maybe my son should hit Jesus up and see if he's in the market to purchase some popcorn.  What would Jesus do?  He would buy some popcorn.