Shit You Should Know

Showing posts with label change is the only constant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change is the only constant. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

An Agnostic Episode


Almost daily you will hear people around you pray for some sort of healing. "My dad is sick...my baby is sick...etc." I don't understand how a god that can heal you allowed you to get sick in the first place.
Recently, my mother and I conversed about this topic and she brought up the idea of freewill.  I explained to her that it is beyond my scope of understanding how god, a "father", would allow his child to be ill in the first place when he has the power to cure the sickness. I went a step further and said that the children that are in homes sustaining abuse do not have the freewill to stop the horrors that take place within their walls.  To them it is normal, it is life.
I'm sure someone will think me horrible for saying these things, but hey, that has never stopped me before...
I believe that god is a dead beat dad (if he exists at all).  He's not around.  We are basically left to our own devices.  I cannot kneel before a deity and beg him to do what is right and just.
Another thing you hear frequently is "god has a plan." Nobody knows that plan...it is a top secret plan but it involves children being born into poverty, abuse, and neglect.  One thing that incites people is learning that someone is fucking with a kid yet it happens over in over again and god seems to just turns the other way. God allows these things to happen all day, everyday and no one bats an eye.  This is not a god whom I want to have a relationship.  If he were a human standing before us, we'd all want him locked up but because he is a "deity" his behavior is justified and overlooked. Stop making excuses for him!

I know many will take offense to these statements but please understand. I have no desire to pass judgement on anyone. If your faith makes you feel complete by all means carry on. I am simply stating the things that I have trouble comprehending when it comes to deities. Unfortunately, my upbringing is influenced the most by Christianity. I have only read about other religions to try to understand my own personal path in life. I have yet to find one that feels right for me.
I would like to think that if judgement day ever happens, god would sit down with me, have a beer (or glass of wine), and explain to me all the things my constant questioning of existence failed to allow me to find.
To my friends and loved ones: when my days start to slip from reach, do not pray for me. Sit beside me, hold my hand, stroke my face. Tell me about a memory we shared. Maybe that will be the memory that brings a smile across my lips as I fade away into the nothing.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Bet You Weren't Expecting Me...

Miss me?  Damn right, you did!

In my hiatus, I have:
  • ·         survived my husband’s deployment (I use the term “survived” EXTREMELY liberal, of course.)
  • ·         gotten a full time job at a home improvement establishment (currently, I am slinging appliances.)
  • ·         stepped down as leader of my daughter’s Girl Scout troop (my baby girl is growing up, *sniffle*.)
  • ·         and also, managed to forgive a few people who didn’t deserve my forgiveness (however, I deserved the freedom from the hate stewing inside of me.)

Picture found here
Now that I got you all caught up, we can proceed to my regularly scheduled shenanigans…
Oh, how I miss the days I was a lady of leisure.  Recently, I was sick with strep throat and remembered (between my fevered bouts of delirium) how much I missed being home.  Today was my first day back to work in nearly a week.  While I enjoy the people I work with and the work that I do, I sometimes want to tell the general public to suck an egg.

Anyone out there that has ever worked with the public, especially in retail, knows EXACTLY what I mean.  Some people can be so awful.  You are probably thinking I am referring to those folks that yell and scream.  While I consider those people to be rather difficult, the breed of customer I loathe the most would have to be the ones who have no regard for a retail worker as a human being…mainly the ones that talk over you.  I HATE that!

Last week, this middle age couple came in.  I hereby dub them Mr. & Mrs. Magoo.  I greeted them like I would any customer and asked if I could help them.  They said they had some questions about a particular dishwasher.  
Picture found here
Mr. Magoo asked questions about every single possible detail of the appliance.  “Ummm, yeah…are the screws that bolt the handle galvanized stainless steel?  Who invented the first dishwasher?  What is your mother’s maiden name???”  Of course, I knew the answers (and even if I didn’t I can sure as hell make it sound like I do, *wink wink*).  So I proceed to answer and as I get a few words into my response to Mr. Magoo’s extensive shake-down, the ever so lovely Mrs.Magoo interrupts me to ask me her own questions WHICH SHE ALSO ANSWERS!!!  Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs. Magoo, would you like me to go away so you can sell your own appliance to yourself.  Shit people!  Why didn’t you just order it online??
Picture found here
It’s no secret that I attract crazy people.  I don’t know if I make them feel at ease or maybe they are just attracted to their own kind.  I can deal with crazy.  I find it entertaining but, rude is beyond my scope of tolerance. 

Today, I had the pleasure of dealing with this woman who needed help with a washer.  For the life of me, I cannot understand why someone would ask you a question and then try to convince you that you are wrong.  Standing in front of two washers, she asks me which one has a larger capacity.  I show her which one is bigger (seriously, by .1 cubic foot) and she proceeds to disagree with me.  She says, “Look in here.  This one is bigger.”  I try to contain my annoyance and try to explain to her that it is not even a cubic foot difference.  She continues to insist that I look inside the tub.  At this point, I felt that I needed to humor her in order to move along in the sale so I agree that it looks larger by telling her that that the tub is wider but more shallow.  It seemed logical.

Dealing with her was the least of the problem.  Shortly after, her friend walked up. 

Guys, her friend knew everything about everything!  In hindsight, I should have asked for the secret to universe.  I’m serious!  Anything that the customer would ask me, the friend would chime in with her own two cents.  Once again, I hate to be interrupted but, more so, I hate to be interrupted with inaccurate information.  I just don’t have the patience to deal with the Kanyes of the world today or anyday for that matter.
Picture found here
This rambling is done for now.  When you are out and about consuming and contributing to the economy, please remember that the guy mixing your paint, the girl behind the cash register, the lady taking your order, and the man working the customer service desk are fucking human beings.  Treat them as such.  If you can’t go into an establishment and show basic common courtesy, do us a favor and stay home and order your shit online.
Picture found here

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Nothing Like A Slice of Nostalgia Pie

We were reminiscing like we do, Rosita and I, talking about old friends and good times. We perused through the topics one by one. Those things all tied back in some sort of way to one room.


Room 501…just up the stairs

Drama.
It was the room where we focused on theater arts instead of social drama. It was the only class where you left your high school status at the door. No one was the outcast…everyone was the star. It was a hodgepodge of students from nearly every group of the school, like a sociology experiment. There was a dose of football players, a hit of stoners, a few metal heads, a couple of honor rollers, some preppies, a share of trekkies, etc, etc. Some of us were there for a fairly easy grade but most were there because we were drawn to the stage whether we admitted it or not. More often than not, the drama class itself came secondary to the laughter and the friends we made there.

As I said, we reminisced. We laughed like we do about times we had…hanging out in the drama “closet” which was a small office that had been turned into a storage room for costumes and props. If those costumes could talk, they’d have some pretty R-rated tales to tell you. I used to think those tales belonged solely to my husband and I but I discovered that we weren’t the only ones making out on the prop sofa from time to time. Good thing I constantly sprayed that thing with Lysol when I cleaned up in there. Who knows what kind of high school cooties that thing would have been harboring? Does Lysol kill gonorrherpesyphilydia?
We reminisced about the star football player that ended up in our class…no doubt for an easy pass suggested by the coach. My friend declared him gorgeous. I agreed. He was pretty good looking. She said she ran into him recently. She referred to him as “man meat”. I was nearly in tears laughing. Then, she told me something that surprised me…flattered me. Mr. High School Stereo-type not only asked about me but proceeded to tell her how sexy he thought I was. Of course, he didn’t remember my name…he asked her about “that other white girl” as if her and I were the only white girls in the class.
She and I laughed because apparently we were the only white girls that mattered. Yeah, we were pretty awesome.

We reminisced about how people used to be and how many change so much after high school. She started telling me about the ten year reunion that I skipped and about one person in particular showing up with body guards not because she was attending a New Orleans event but because apparently that shit is required when you are on the BET show, 106 & Park. It’s sort of a big deal…I suppose even though I had to google it because I had no idea what or who Rosita was talking about.
And yes, it required digging out a yearbook because I didn’t recognize the woman at all. All I can say is I will spare all of you the year book photo (I’m sure Raquel…or Rocsi…or whatever she is going by now days will appreciate it as well) and I'll just say good for her. Her stylists are doing an amazing job.

Rosita told a tale of phoniness, not necessarily of our ugly duckling classmate (and I use that description out of awe…not insult). People are flat out fake when it comes to money, power, and celebrities and our average old school chums are no different. But it’s just silly when people trip over themselves when a star is near…especially something so low on the totem pole as a reality star.

Let’s face it. Reality television is taking over the televisions sets (and intelligence) of this country and these so-called “stars” are a dime a dozen. Pretty soon, there will be a reality show about a reality show. Can you imagine? Camera crews following camera crews…boom mics everywhere.

I can’t say from experience that I’d never be star struck. Of course, I’ve never ran into George Clooney or Brad Pitt. I can assume though if I ever ran into a Snooki, I’d head in the other direction.
So it seems, the tale of the high school ugly duckling (aka just your average teenage girl minus the stylist a la’ She’s All That movie montage) turned reality star hottie, I’m sure, is becoming an epidemic among high school reunions nationwide.

Even this topic about a girl not even in our drama class went back to Room 501. Rosita laughed as I gave my reasons for skipping the reunion…about how I have no interest in seeing people that I had no interest of seeing then. Maybe that makes me snotty. Maybe it does. I explained that there were roughly a dozen or so people I’d be interesting in catching up with and they were in that room at one time or another. One of which has started her own blog. Most people that mattered at all to me, I have regained some form of contact with all thanks to Facebook. Of course, there are some I could have done without.

Room 501 was like a teenage Las Vegas in a sense that what was said there, stayed there. The teacher was amazing.
She was the sort of adult that every teenager needs in their life. You were able to confide in her and she would give you a mature, sometimes motherly opinion without being judgmental. Each tidbit of advice was given with a side of understanding that made you feel confident in yourself that you were capable of making the right decision on your own. She was the only adult that ever made me feel that way other than my older cousin who was 30ish at the time.
                              









That room was a haven…a sanctuary. I had never felt so safe, accepted, or understood. I felt free to be myself…even though I had no idea exactly who I was just yet. Room 501 assisted me in finding the Asha that I’ve become.

So, I never shagged the star football player or made it anywhere other than home video but I have found the adult version of Room 501 right here in my simple, little life. You know what? That makes me happy and no matter how much Rosita and I reminisce there isn’t a damn thing I’d change.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Don't Be A Drag...

Driving down the street the other day, I actually broke away from my IPod and clicked on the radio. That’s unusual for a few reasons. 1.) Music today, to me, (this is me being old) has lost a lot of its originality. Instead of being unique, they try to mimic and then one up their musical influences. Boring! I know this is nothing new but it just seems much more prevalent. 2.) The typical radio stations around here play the “hits” aka crap or country or Christian…also, crap. 3.) The few classic rock stations that I am able to get around here (and I use the term “classic” loosely since it plays songs from the 80s and 90s) are so static-y that half the time I don’t even bother.

My kids, on the other hand, are typically like any other generation. They think the “new” music is so amazing and original. I have to bite my tongue sometimes because they tend to get really offended when I insult their musical preferences. I have to remind myself that my parents probably hated my choices too.

My son has a pretty decent grasp of music…in my opinion…as in he likes many of the things that my husband and I enjoy. Although, he does like Katy Perry. Of course, he reminds me every time he sees the Addidas or Proactiv commercials that it’s just because she’s hot.

My daughter on the other hand has definite elementary school girl taste. She likes to listen to Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Justin Beiber, and Ke$ha (yes, the chick with a dollar sign in her name…how the fuck do you even pronounce that???). I don’t think this group is talentless. I just think that their songs lack substance. Counting Crows they are not.  Again, elementary school girl taste...I mean, I liked New Kids on the Block when I was her age.
There is a fourth reason I end up listening to the radio. 4.) I forgot my IPod at home. Oops!  This is exactly how I gotstuck listening to the radio this time.

So, yeah, the car ride…

We end up listening to this…


Oh, Gaga! Even though, you try to capture us with your shock and awe, I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen and heard this all before…most recently Madonna. To be more specific, isn’t “Born This Way” just an updated cross version of “Express Yourself” and "Vogue" anyway? Seriously, have you listened to this, Gaga?




I suppose it could be worse. It could be this.



I’ll just take this Friday. Thank you very much.



I’ll leave you with eight words of wisdom…

“Don’t be a drag, just be a queen.”

Well said, Gaga. Well said.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Guess Who's Back?

I'M BAAAAACK!! Well, technically I didn't go anywhere but I know I was missed.


The surprise was successful. I managed to keep the secret of my husband’s return from the children. The airlines almost screwed everything up with their constant delays. He was supposed to arrive around 7pm but ended up not arriving until around 9pm.
Luckily, my friend agreed to keep the kids for me anyway even though it was a Sunday night. Being that it was dark outside, the scavenger hunt had to be slightly revamped so that I could film it.
My old camera was all jacked up. The battery was going bad and the charger jack was loose which also prevented the battery to get charged properly. So I managed to record the scavenger hunt but it is in choppy little video snippets. I don’t own a program to combine them all so you get what I give you.
Part I: The kids are crazy excited to receive their first clue.



Part II: They were so excited. They couldn’t even read the clues correctly. I’m surprised they knew what the hell they were even looking for in the first place.



Part III: The fighting begins in a playful sort of way. I enjoy watching the wheels in my children’s heads turn as they try to figure the clue out.


Part IV: Wicker to Wimpy…they’ve got this!


Part V: I sound like my mom. Now the real FUN begins, followed by my daughter’s meltdown. Oh boy! Also, Gabe let’s one rip in my bedroom. Again, in all the excitement they can’t even read.



Part VI: Finally, the kids made it outside to their surprise that was shivering out in the garage. My daughter wanted to know if this was all a dream. My son begins to put the pieces together.



I know this post is mostly videos but I’ll update again soon with more photos and details about the lovely visit I had while my husband was back for two weeks. Come on, October!!! Whoo!

Also, one more thing...

It has been suggested to me that since I like to post pictures of my meals on Facebook for all to drool over that I should share the recipes with the rest of the class.  So, taking head to that suggestion I have began this blog for your reading pleasure.  You may want to eat first before you look at it as it tends to make mouths water and stomachs growl.  Pictures of my food have also been known to make people gain weight from the mere sight of them.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

This Is Heavy, Doc!

Lately I suppose with all this talk of Time Travel Month over at Nuclear Headache (not to be confused with the cheesier version) so fresh in my brain, I’ve been thinking about all the things I would say to the teenage version of myself. Of course, all this weighing on it not causing the universe to implode or me disappearing from photographs a la Marty McFly style.


First and foremost, I would tell my past self that the one guy I decided to lose my virginity to was (and will always be) a complete tool and waste of oxygen. AVOID by all means! I’m sure many of you wish you hadn’t wasted your first time on such an ass. I’m not saying I should have waited until marriage necessarily (please don’t tell my future teenage daughter) but I definitely would have skipped over his dumb ass. As a rule of thumb, if his name forms an alliteration it’s probably because his mommy knew he was a joke even from the womb.
Another tidbit of information I would share with myself is that even though your family is obviously a bag of mixed nuts, things won’t always be so difficult and confusing. Mostly mom won’t always seem so psychotic. She just has no clue what she’s doing and she’s learning day by day. It’s a bitch (especially when you are the oldest) but it paves the way for her to learn from her mistakes. Whether she admits it to you or not, she doesn’t mean half the shit that comes out of her mouth. Try not to take her need to control everything at whatever cost personally. It will only cost you years of therapy…time you could be spending doing things you actually enjoy.

Also, your mom is going to tell you that those girls that were mean to you were just jealous of you. Oh my god! They SO were. Your C-cup (ok, and the fact that you were so much cooler than they were) made you comparable to the hooker in the movie “Love Potion #9” after she drank the concentrated potion. This is what I mean…


So don’t be sad. Just poke your chest out a little further and apologize to them for not being flat chested like them…as you steal their boyfriends. Just kidding….or am I?
After you get married, there will be this Puerto Rican woman that lives near you. She is going to tell you she is a witch and she knows you and your husband are having issues mostly because he is still extremely immature. She’s going to tell you to never give up on him even when things get really dark. You are going to think she is crazy (and you may be a little right) but being a little eccentric is what makes her so clairvoyant. She is also going to tell you there will be times you will have to be a bystander and not get involved in his growing up process to protect your soul and that of your child (who by the way you weren't even pregnant with just yet). Her words will always stay with you and the future you (aka me) is glad she didn’t throw the towel in as soon as things got messy.

Somewhat on the same topic, I would remind myself that other people’s setbacks do not mold you unless you let them. When you go through those dark times, keep your head up and push forward. No one is going to drag you out the hole where you risk ending up. Only you can prevent forest fires. No, wait. What I mean is, only your own strength can prevent depression and it IS inside of you even when you feel weak.
Another thing on a smaller note I would share is that when my family is evacuating from Hurricane Katrina (which by the way IS the infamous Big One the city of New Orleans has been fearing and the media has been wringing their hands impatiently waiting for), remind Mom to bring the photo albums and family videos or at the very least put them up high in a closet. So many memories will be lost if she doesn’t. Also, tell her to knock down the wall between the dining room and the living room just because it will save us all the headache of having to hear about it years later that she should have did it when they were remodeling after the storm.

One of the last things I would tell myself is simply; don’t forget how to be a kid. Your children will thank you for it.


Again, these things are all quips of knowledge I’d share with myself if there wasn’t a chance of causing horrible repercussions. I’m sure in the event that time travel is made available to the likes of everyday folks such as me; we can only hope scientists will know for sure the do’s and don’ts of traveling through time.

If travel was limited to observation, I would skip my past and observe more important times in history not involving myself like the building of the pyramids. I’d much prefer for the sake of observation, I could also remain unseen a la Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Then, I would DEFEINTELY go observe me some dinosaurs. I would also like to observe all of the questionable “god” appearances that different religions stake their claim to faith on.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Hasta La Vista, Buddy!

Are we all comfortable now? Good!


Lately, I’ve been holding my breath because someone important to me has been feeling less than comfortable. I’ve mentioned before that I am separated from the one I love and also that Buddy has been living with us. It was an arrangement my husband and I made with him prior to Husband’s trek across the planet.

My husband has made it clear that he is no longer comfortable with Buddy’s presence. What took him this long, I’m not sure. Husband also brought to my attention that the thought of me drinking with Buddy wasn’t something he felt keen about either. So, I haven’t had a drink in over a month.
Back story…

My husband got Buddy a job working for his company and offered for him to rent our front room. Shortly after, my husband got a better contract working out of Afghanistan leaving Buddy in the company of the kids and myself. Understand, coming from an uber jealous person, I would have NEVER allowed this to happen…EVER! My husband on the other hand has never had the need to be jealous. Lucky him, right?

I informed my dear that never again will I agree to allow anyone to move in with us. He feels that Buddy has outstayed his welcome. I reminded him of the original agreement…it would take roughly 6 to 7 months for Buddy to get his shit together. Later, he told Buddy he had until the end of January to move out. When Buddy asked me to ask Husband about storing his bike in our garage, I did and Husband lost his mind.
Thankfully, Buddy is officially moved out and my conversations with the husband no longer need to consist of me playing the mediator of this craziness. Oh, happy day! I’m getting sippy tonight and I probably should have written this before I started downing the Bacardi.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

A Blog By Any Other Name

Ok.  This will be brief and it's mainly for my followers out there so they are aware of what's going on.  In case, you haven't noticed I changed the title of my blog.  I did it for a few reasons.  The first being apparently I'm not the only one out their in cyber space that has a the EXACT same title.  Of course, my blog is better but I don't want anyone to be confused.  The second is lately anytime I shamelessly plug myself anywhere be it on a blog hop or a blog sharing site, I've used the phrase "Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom" to give a description of the madness that ensues on your computer screen when you swing on by.  My Life. My Words is officially now Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom.  Please me make a mental note of it so you don't mistakenly unfollow me.

Also I wanted to dish out a couple of kick ass blog awards to a few folks.  So I may as well take care of that today too.

First off, Kamilla at Basket of Dreams is such a kind person.  She's one of those people that never seem to have anything negative to say about anyone.  So for being so sweet you give me a toothache, I present to you, Kamilla the following award.

The next award goes to Tricia at Confessions of a Recovering Cynic for still being awesome even though she isn't pissed off and gripy like an onery old man anymore since she is getting laid.  So congratulations to Tricia mostly for being able to save money on batteries.  Here's your award:

Another award must go to Jill over at In Bed With Married Women.  Jill's stories of sexual discoveries always humor me whether it's posts about sex robots or mammoth dildos.  So, dear Jill, here is an award for you.


This next award is for an old friend that always has a tendency to leave me hungry after I check out her blog.  Of course, her blog isn't all about food but that fiesty latina sure knows how to cook!  So this blog award is for Doris over at Sprinkles of My Life.

The last award I want to dish out is for Bryan over at nuclearheadache who's blog recently turned 50...fifty posts that is.  I enjoy th variety of topics he blogs about every couple of days.  Sometimes he has me spitting soda onto my computer.  Other times he causes me to down a bottle of rum and pop a handful of vicodin to make my brain stop throbbing while he continues his quest to understand relativity.  So here it is without further ado, Bryan'a award.

So that's it for now guys.  Don't worry though.  Like I said in the previous post I have a few things I'm brainstorming now.  Keep your eyeballs open and be sure to visit the blogs I mentioned since, you know, I declared them cool and all.