I have ZERO friends here. It’s my own fault since I automatically assume people will not like me once they get to know me. Let’s face it I’m a weirdo and even though I embrace it most other people do not. However, I wonder at times if I’m just an asshole. On top of making the assumption that most people will not accept me, I also tend to avoid the people who seem accepting of me because I conclude they are just bat shit crazy.
Today I took my daughter to a friend from school’s birthday party. I met a few other parents who were nice but… (You knew there would be a “but” right?) I don’t want to say they were Stepford but I got the whole sorority sister vibe from them which automatically made me feel like everything that came out of my mouth was being judged. What’s sad is I KNOW it is all in my head and I KNOW I miss out on making friends this way. Also, when I think about it, it sort of makes me come off as thinking everything is about me. (It is, right?) There's my Leo showing.
Mother fucker! I swear I must need therapy.
I find myself thinking of that Adam Sandler bit..."Oh, Mom!"
Also, this...
What makes things worse is since I’m a parent; I’m always worried that my own social awkwardness is going to affect my children in some way or another. I’m the mom that cusses like a sailor. I’m the mom that not only doesn’t go to church but is agnostic (but may as well be atheist…oooo, PROJECT). I’m the mom that isn’t skinny and doesn’t wear make-up every day. I’m the mom that is inappropriate and is constantly cracking jokes. I’m the mom with the pierced tongue. And these things, my internet buddies, are the things that I allow them to see.
I’ll admit. I’m envious of the people that seem to make friends easily. I feel I am incapable of juggling many friends. I’m not looking to fill an address book with acquaintances. I would just like to make one or two friends around here I can let loose with from time to time. I’m smart enough to know I am my own worst enemy here.
I wish we lived closer...we would have a blast...Your right up my alley sister.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about friends and my ability to fit in, however, I have come to the conclusion that fitting is sucks because most people are self centered egotistical people who are just living on the surface of life and only give a shit about themselves but are really good at playing the role well of the caring person and perfect parent yada, yada, yada. So for that I keep my distance as I can't stand fakes, gossip and drama. I don't have time for superficial BS.
As for the kids they will be better off learning to be real than the fakes out there that play the game. I think standing apart from the crowd gives you a better perspective on life and that is what you are teaching them..I have seen the pics of the kids and they seem real, happy and defiantly not afraid to be themselves. Kudos's to you!
Stick with your gut instincts about who you let into your life and someone will show up that meshes well with you!
From your social misfit FB friend,
Deanne
Thanks, De. I've been here a year and have yet to meet anyone that I feel I can mesh with. I guess, I need to give people a chance but I'm very pessimistic about it. I hate that I feel that way but I can't seem to shake it.
ReplyDeleteWew! way back in the Philippines I literally have lots of friend..bunch and bunch and bunch..and now.. I'm here in CA, no friends..
ReplyDeleteNot that I don't want to make friends, but I get that awkward feeling when actually talking to anyone. As in anyone. I feel like my lungs is eating my tongue, since I really don't converse well in English. Try to be friendly.. maybe smiling to people will go a long way.. :)
hi from France ,Asha! you are a free minded as we say here ! bravo ,you have a lot of courage ,it seems it's not easy in your coutry not being in The Standard of living ! a bientot ,amités ,Nathalie
ReplyDeleteSeriously hysterical (and relatable). "I'm always afraid that my own social awkwardness is going to affect my children..." Ha- those exact words have come out of my mouth in the past!
ReplyDeleteI've lost touch with a lot of friends over the years, had some bad falling outs with others, and one in particular sent me a letter from prison apologizing for something...well, pretty horrible. I didn't know what to write back.
ReplyDeleteI think I've reached a point where trying to maintain friendships just seems like a huge pain in the ass. I can't stand feeling like people are invading my space, so I don't invite them closer. In fact, I probably push them away without even realizing it. I feel like I just want to relax without being bothered. And I don't feel lonely. I have my wife and daughter. I have my other family around here. I have the usual cast of idiots that make up my every day life. Sometimes I feel like going and living up on a mountain just to get away from these people, so I'm certainly not hiring for positions of even greater aggravation. No, I'm good.
But that's me. I've always been a fairly solitary person at heart, and definitely a bit of a misfit too. I think there's this social pressure that if you don't fill your life with a bunch of "friends", then you're some kind of loser. I think it really all comes down a question of loneliness, a question of who you really need in your life. Having friends is like having a dog. Everybody tells you that you should get one, but unless you really, really want one they are definitely not worth the aggravation.
That's my two cents, at least.
Ugh - I'm terrible at making new friends. My 4 year old is in preschool and I've yet to "fake" my way into the clique of moms I see every day. One thing I'm not is a phony so I just don't fit in with them. Just be you and that will attract someone who "gets" you. Btw, you're right - most people suck anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't weird in thinking this way. I have always felt this way. My humor is a little different than most people's and that seems to put people off. The few times I've opened myself up, I've been the one burned. Or I find that they're great up front. Then something happens and you are only there for them. That's been my experience anyway.
ReplyDeleteBe choosy. You have that right.
hey! thats a real good looking boy...
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog via Weekend Blog Hop and started following! This post is cracking me up girl! When we had our daughter - we actually had a conversation about how "weird" she was going to end up because of our actions. But, now we realize that it's just going to make her unique and interesting...(Hopefully) :oD
ReplyDeleteI love how you word things...and...honestly, the cussing thing -- well -- I don't do it THAT often...but enough. And - my daughter knows they are mommy & daddy words.
All the Best
...M...
GFC following from Relax & Surf
ReplyDeletewww.mamalovesherbargains.com
I consider myself to be an oddball, too. Socially, I don't, but people have come to accept me. You're you and you're a mum and wife, so you can't be that weird!! I love the sign about God's fan club - my sentiments exactly!
ReplyDeleteCJ xx
@Kamil Sometimes I feel like I speak a different language too.
ReplyDelete@Nat I should be used to not being the standard.
@Kirsten I think screwing things up for our kids is a common fear.
@Bryan I beleive that I tend to push people away as well. I think it is my own defense mechanism. Almost like my brain screams "Danger!" so I say "Peace!"
@Deb I'm not going to fake my way in either. It isn't because I can't. It's because after I do I'll have to continue the facade and it isn't worth it to me.
@Mad Thanks for having my back.
@Toes Thanks!
@Anon. D-Nolt? Is that you? lol
@M I'm glad my children will grow up against the grain since the will turn out as more interesting adults and not sheep. I only fear that as children they will be indirectly persecuted for my actions.
@Crys I suppose I'm not weird. I just dance to the beat of my own drum.
I do not make GIRL friends easily. I cannot relate to other moms I meet. My children are wonderful, my world, and all that jazz. But! There is so much more to me as a person than the fact that Im a mom. I dont spend all day talking about my kids or what minivan to buy. Other non-mom girls are usually concerned with their makeup, or dating, or how big their ass is. Thats not how I roll. I want to have some nice relaxing beers with the boys and have no one mention the size of their ass or anything else dramatic in their lives.
ReplyDeleteI'm seriously lacking in the girl friend department. Im good at guy friends though.
I'm enjoying your blog and appreciate the humor you are able to inject into the deeply personal venting you do on here. You are much more brave and open than I am!
ReplyDeleteAlso, thanks for following and commenting on mine.
http://writtenundertheinfluence.blogspot.com/
I read somewhere recently that 79% of people consider themselves weird, so you've got a lot of company...including me. Superficial friends are a dime a dozen, but finding a really good friend isn't always easy, even with all the people who are weird just like us. So, go out and be weird, and be proud of it! :)
ReplyDeleteWell, you're speaking MY language! LOL!
ReplyDeleteMy sons are grown now, but I never did get into all that girly/Mum/what-shade-shall-I-paint-the-bathroom stuff. I don't do party plan, I don't do trips out to drink/dance/trawl nightclubs, I've never been slim and svelte, Like you, I swear, and to be frank, I seem to get on a lot better with men than women ... especially the super-girly sort of women with high squeaky voices who toss their (superbly cut) hair. Having said all that, I have a lot more friends now than I ever did when I was young because I've stopped giving a ****.
LOVE the double face palm! LOL!
Found you on LGS Blog Hop. I think it is great you are who you are! And when its all said and done-you will make the true friends not someone who is just "your friend", but a REAL friend. Keep it up-i love your honesty and reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was reading through this, I ket thinking about Ricky Bobbt when he didn't know what to do with his hands!! And there it was, you perfect freak!
ReplyDeleteHoly crap I wish you lived near me.
You and my husband would be fast friends....
ReplyDeleteI can PROMISE you, that how you deal with social situations, won't decide how your kids will. My kids are all totally different despite their upbringings...it's weird how that works out.
I'm content with just staying at home and not having to deal with people...so I feel ya sista!